Cursed to Relive
by Escoger
Summary: After his tragic death, Severus has been given a second chance to relive his life. It's a pity that he is apparently destined to make new mistakes. Second chances aren't always all they are cracked up to be...
1. A Life's EndAnd Beginning

**Cursed to Relive**

**Chapter 1**

**A Life's End...And Beginning**

**_Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor do I own the Harry Potter Series._**

"Look...at...me..." Pulling Harry Potter close to him, Severus stared into the green eyes that had always forced him to remember that this wasn't QUITE a clone of James Potter, before finally allowing himself to expire. Within a matter of moments, the blood gushing from his neck would put an end to his life, a life that he had regretted for years.

It had been a hard life, one which he had tried to believe that he didn't deserve, but even now he couldn't quite say it aloud and truly mean it.

Severus had been foolish in his youth, joining the side of demons even though he knew it was the wrong thing to do, although he had tried to ignore this in his folly. He had lost the woman he loved due to this, at first romantically, then soon physically as well. He had then turned over a new leaf and gambled for the life of his love with his very future as his stake, only to lose, causing him to spend the rest of his hellish life as nothing more than a pawn for that ultimate puppet-master Albus Dumbledore.

Finally, he was about to die, on what he suspected might be the brink of victory and end of his long, painful service. He supposed that he could have been furious at how he hadn't gotten what he deserved, hadn't gotten the chance to live as more than a slave to two powerful masters...

And yet...and yet Severus couldn't help but feel a sense of peace, even pride as his vision dimmed, his sight fading away until the aged wizard could only see two shards of emerald-green glimmering before him.

He hated Harry, hated him more than he had hated any man, woman or child in nearly twenty years, save for Lily's killer himself. He was a lazy, arrogant sort of boy, never trying at all and playing around with his life, the very life which Lily had died for. Frankly, it disgusted the ex-Headmaster how Harry had used his time to laze about, not even trying to prepare himself for the nightmarish battle ahead, while Severus was forced to buy time for him with his blood...his blood and screams...

Of course, the fact that he was James Potter's son certainly didn't help any.

Nonetheless, the fact that Harry was still living, maybe even with the possibility of surviving this bloody war if he played his cards right...it gave Severus a sense of pride. It meant that some sign that he had existed would still walk the Earth. Even if he had never had a wife, didn't have children nor any sort of living family, Lily's son's life would be his legacy. Even if no-one would ever remember or care that he had lived, save perhaps Harry and Draco, it no longer mattered much to him. _He _would remember...

Severus had avenged Lily, but more importantly, he felt that he had saved a small piece of her by saving Harry. As such, his last thought before he died were:

'You'd better win, Potter. Do the smart thing. Slay Voldemort, live a long and happy life, then die while knowing that your death will truly mean his end... I've spent far too long, too many years guarding you from your own arrogance and stupidity... You'd best not die now, not thanks to Dumbledore's foolishness.'

Somehow, in spite of what he knew of Harry's stupidity, Severus knew he wouldn't.

* * *

Severus didn't known what to expect from the afterlife, so not being a Gryffindor idiot, he expected nothing.

Apparently, he was quite mistaken.

Severus truly couldn't believe his eyes about the scene now before him, couldn't believe it save for the fact that it was right before him. For whatever reason, he was now seeing Lily again, but not as the young woman with fierce emerald eyes who he remembered in both his most cherished dreams and most hated nightmares.

He was once more staring through the bushes out into the playground at the bright, nine year-old girl, Lily Evans. She was smiling as she played with the irksome blond-haired girl that became the hateful woman, her sister, Petunia...Dursen? He had forgotten the last name of the man she had married long ago, not that it had particularly mattered to him at the time...or now for that matter.

Severus knew the scene that had long ago tattoed itself on his heart, knew what would happen even as Lily made the flower open up once more, knew it without even needing to think about it; he would jump out of the bushes, managing to insult both Lily and Petunia without intending to, and then he would go home for the day. The next day however, Lily would come up to speak to him, curious at what he had said about her being a witch...

But how was this happening? How was he here once more? WHY was he here? Was he here to watch his life on rewind or something, forced to relive his greatest failures once more? 'Was my life truly so terrible that I deserve this as punishment?'

"How are you doing it?" Petunia asked her sister longingly as he watched, exactly as Severus remembered it. It was now his cue, or perhaps his counterpart's cue, to interrupt. He prepared himself to watch his counterpart to get shot down in flames, just like he had before, wondering if he would feel the same pain by watching it as he had suffered while experiencing it...

However, for whatever reason, no-one interrupted the girls. Instead, Lily merely said with a small frown, "I-I don't know. I don't know how I'm doing it..."

Frowning, Petunia then spoke, muttering something about how it was unnatural and Lily shouldn't be doing it. At that moment though, Severus didn't care, far too interested in what _hadn't_ happened.

Wondering why this might have been the case, Severus looked around for his counterpart, soon realizing that his field of vision was much lower than it should have been. Instead of the chest level the branches should have been, they were barely at eye level. He then noticed that he was standing in the exact same place he had been hiding when he had been... 'No...it can't be. Don't tell me that I'm...'

Trying not to panic, Severus slowly looked down, only to find himself in the ratty clothes he had worn when he was nine...fitting the same as when he had been a child-not at all in other words-.

His vision began to swim as he realized the awful, horrible truth: the reason that they fit the same as before was because...because _he_ was the same as before. _He was the boy_... As Severus collapsed to the ground in a faint, only one thought was flying through his mind. 'I'm...I'm nine again.'

* * *

As Petunia and Lily continued playing, the elder of the two sisters mumbling to herself about what she thought the red-head should and shouldn't be doing, Lily could have sworn that she had heard a soft thud. For a moment, She considered going over to investigate...but it was getting awfully close to dinner-time and she was starving. Besides, there were other options for fun.

Hands on her hips, Lily grinned at Petunia mischievously, "Come on, Tuney! I'll race you home!"

"But I shouldn't be running around in these sandals..." Petunia groused, but Lily had already started sprinting, and her sister soon had no choice but to follow her as quickly as she could. "Come back here, Lily! You know that Mummy doesn't like it when you get away like that!"

"Too bad then, Tuney! Better catch up quick!" The young girl giggled as she kept running, Petunia sprinting after her, shouting for Lily to 'stop and get back here, you silly girl!'. Lily knew she would catch up sooner or later of course, as her sister was older than her, but it would be fun while it lasted.

Honestly, she just hoped that this would make her forget to tell mum about how she had done 'that' again. Marigold would always get this odd look when Lily did something like that, like she had been bad or something. Lily wasn't quite sure _why_ this was the case, but that didn't mean that she wanted her mother to find out she had disobeyed her again...

Her sister less than ten feet behind her now, Lily kept running, hoping she would make it back before her sister caught her. She looked _really _mad...

**Author's Note: **It's a bit of a short chapter, but I needed time to set up what is going to happen in the future. Don't expect me to spend too much time with their childhoods, but trust me when I say that there will be differences, HUGE differences.

While this is a Severus relives his life fic, let's just say if you're expecting him to undo all of his mistakes, stop Voldemort thanks to his immense knowledge of the future and instantly rekindle his friendship with Lily and make her fall in love with him...read a different fic, because this is not going to be like that.

In fact, sometimes second chances create greater nightmares than the original try did...

This has been Betaed by _Anachronistic Anglophile_, and is partially based on one of her challenges.


	2. Coping With Reality

**Cursed to Relive**

**Chapter 2**

**Coping With Reality**

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor do I own the Harry Potter Series.**

'So...what now?' Severus asked himself, ignoring his hunger as he sat on one of the swings, watching the sun slowly sink below the horizon. He had awoken some time ago from his faint, and now he had to deal with whatever had happened to him. He had all but stripped himself starkers in his efforts to assure himself of the fact that he was in his nine year-old body again.

Indeed, it seemed to be the case that he was alive, alive and nine once again. But he was having a very difficult time believing that this was happening. Questions echoed throughout his mind, which even with his long experience at dealing with things going wrong was having difficulty with the situation.

It just didn't make sense. Was it even real? Or just some cruelly-mocking, nightmarish reality crafted by the Dark Lord? And what could have possibly caused it to happen anyway? 'Even if it were true, how could any of this be real? Aren't I supposed to be dead?'

Severus thought it over carefully, putting his finely-honed mind to work on the problem, but in the end he couldn't decide what was going on for certain. Still, it probably didn't matter _why_ this was happening, considering that _what _was going on was so much more important. Regardless of what had caused this to happen, or even what 'this' was, he had no choice but to deal with it. Still, it was quite annoying that he was so weak, lacking a wand at all...

'Not that a wand would help me much.' he thought to himself bitterly.

Unsure of what else to do, he eventually decided to do what he would have done if he _were_ truly nine years-old: walking back home for supper. Luckily, his parents probably wouldn't be too concerned at how late he was, as they had more important things to worry about. 'Such as Mum's stupid programs and father's beer.'

Regardless, he could use the time spent walking home to think some more...think and plan out how he would deal with this. Severus was a survivor, and he had a great deal of knowledge of magic even if he couldn't cast anything. If this _were_ some hellish plane of torment courtesy of the Dark Lord, then there would be signs of it from the moment that Severus got home, he was sure. It was extremely difficult to create a world, even a false one...

'OK,' Severus thought to himself as he passed through part of the slums on his way home. 'Assuming that this is real, what are the first things I need to worry about? What happened when I was nine that I should really watch for...?'He then frowned, reminded of his counterpart's originally-planned meeting with Lily. 'Apart from the obvious, that is. I'll get to Lily later.'

Indeed, although Severus had sometimes idly thought about what he would do if he had gotten the chance to relive his life...it was far easier to do so when he wasn't actually _living _it. Talking to Lily again was something he wasn't ready to do, not yet anyway.

Unfortunately for his planning though, apart from the bittersweet memories of the girl who had stolen his heart when he was nine, Severus had spent years trying to forget his childhood and move beyond it. He hadn't thought about it in years, as it just made him jealous of the students that he been forced to teach; _they_ had had families that cared about him when he didn't. As such, he couldn't remember much that had happened from his childhood...apart from the generalities.

The unpainted front door to his house suddenly before him, Severus quickly brought his thoughts back from his musings of the future; as usual, he didn't have time to worry about it. Right then, he had to pretend to be 'himself' for his family. It wasn't a hard choice. After all, he could always tell them the truth later if it proved necessary, but revealing his secret now couldn't be undone.

Swallowing, he opened the door, only to find his father standing there.

As he had been in Severus' original childhood, Tobias Snape was a well-built, muscular sort of man, filling up the space between the door and the cheerless grey walls. His dark brown hair was cut short in contrast to Severus' own, and his dark eyes looked down on his son like he was some sort of bug. Severus had always hated how his father was the good-looking one of the family, thanks to his rugged sort of handsomeness, a giant bear of a man in contrast to his bat-like son. 'At least whatever is happening is realistic so far...'

His clothes filthy and sweat-stained after a long day's work, Tobias snorted at Severus and muttered, "It's about time you got back; yer mum was starting to wonder where you were. Now go and grab some soup. It's half past seven and the grub's cold, ya silly goose. Now, I 'ave to cut apart that blasted tree so it ain't blockin' our driveway anymore, so git out of the way."

Nodding in relief as his father didn't seem to notice anything different about him, not that Snape family patriarch had ever paid much attention to his son to begin with, Severus squeezed past the man and walked inside.

Suddenly realizing just how hungry he was, he walked quickly towards the kitchen, grabbed a chipped bowl and filled it up with cold potato soup, not even bothering to get a spoon before he sipped at the tasteless brew. Forcing it down, already missing the food provided by the Hogwarts house-elves, Severus decided to simply observe for a bit. After all, he had to get his bearings back. 'Besides, the devil's in the details; if this is just a magically crafted illusion, there will probably be some signs easily visible...'

Noticing his mother giving him a small nod of acknowledgment as he walked into the living room, Severus gave her a return nod, after which she returned her attention to her television program. He sighed upon seeing this; Eileen Snape had pretty much given up on life long before he turned nine, the only thing that the sad, pale woman cared about being the soap operas she watched on the telly or listened to on the radio. 'Probably because it allows her to escape from her own nightmares...'

Already, her thin, sallow-skinned body showed many signs of neglect, easily visible under the ugly brown house-dress she was wearing even as she laid on top of the ratty grey couch; her long, dark hair was stringy and unkempt, while her skin all but hung off of her bones.

Suddenly his thoughts were broken by his mother's voice, which chuckled dryly as she said, "I didn't know that Martin's love triangle with Angela and Maria was so interesting to a nine-year-old, but if you're that interested..." She patted the seat next to her, shifting so that she was sitting instead of laying on the couch, leaving enough room for his child's body to squeeze into.

Not having anything better to do, especially as it had been more than twenty years since he had seen the woman, Severus sat beside the woman and turned his attention to the telly. Severus frowned upon seeing the romantic comedy, never having been particularly interested in watching the things...but it was an opportunity to observe his mother for 'errors' anyway, and so he stayed where he was.

Severus then smirked faintly at another thought: as annoying as it was, it was a far less onerous task than many he had undertaken in his life.

At least, that's how it seemed until he had discovered the actual plot of the program...

* * *

"So girls, how was your day? Did you have a lot of fun down by the playground?" Richard Evans asked from behind his magazine, a grin just barely visible over the glossy cover. Lily wondered for a second if he would read it to her if she asked, as it had to be a very interesting magazine to make him smile so broadly. "You know that if you got dirt on your cloths again, your mum's going to pitch a fit, just like she did last time..."

"Richard!" The red-headed mother interrupted, her face almost matching her hair as she told off her husband. "You know how I don't like you exaggerating like that in front of the girls!" After a quick glare at her husband, she then turned to Petunia and Lily with a smile. "Now girls, did you have a nice day?"

"Yes mum." Petunia piped up importantly. "We went to the playground, just like dad said, then swung on the swings for a while before heading home. We didn't even get any dirt on our clothes, not one bit!"

Marigold Evans smiled, before turning and looking triumphantly over at her husband for a few moments. Still, she returned her focus to her daughters as she continued speaking to them. "Well, that's nice, Petunia. I'm glad to see that the two of you had a good day, although I wouldn't have minded much even if you HAD gotten dirt on your clothes. Now, I assume that my two clever little girls are getting hungry..." She then glanced at Richard, tsking at his rather large pot-belly. "Richard can go without for a meal. That's for sure..."

"But Mari'..."

Even as their father began to protest though, their mother had already started serving up the food--even including a portion for her husband when he had promised not to tease her again.

However, as they sat down to a dinner of homemade beef soup though, Petunia was looking pensively in her mother's direction, almost shamefully. It was probably because of how Lily had broke mum's rules again, something that honestly bothered her sister a lot more than it did Lily. She just couldn't see the harm in doing 'it', but Mum said that it wasn't something that 'good girls' should do...

Lily didn't know why, but it was probably something that grown-ups like mum thought was important, just like how mum cared so much about having the perfect hedgerows. 'I'll bet that dad spends more time on those silly hedges than he does at his work! Mum really is silly sometimes...'

Giggling a bit, Lily tucked into her food quickly, but she couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt when Petunia looked at her in such a forlorn way...

* * *

"Severus, are you sure that you don't want to keep watching with me? The next one looks really exciting!" Eileen's voice was livelier than Severus remembered it being, almost eager. It was rather disconcerting for Severus to be honest, as generally she had been a quiet woman...although he had never had the nerve to ask her about her chick flicks or soap operas in his past life; maybe that was the reason.

Besides, he had gathered enough information for the night already, and his nine-year-old body was getting quite tired. "I'm sure, mother! I'll just head to bed, if that's alright with you."

"Well, if you're sure..." The excitement faded in in his mum's voice as she trailed off, causing Severus to feel a touch of guilt as he walked up the stairs. He hadn't really been all that close to the woman in his past life after all. As such, after a few moments of thought, he called back.

"Maybe tomorrow? Perhaps-"

However, his father's voice interrupted, shouting in annoyance, "Won't the two of you keep it DOWN! I get enough trouble at the mill each day, so I don't need any when I'm tryin' to relax! An' no son of mine is going to be raised, listening to any of that swill you call 'entertainment'! I ain't raising no poofter, even if he can't stop from bein' a freak!"

"Tobias, it's alright if he wants to..." Eileen started to plead, only to cause her husband to redden with anger. Seeing this, Severus quickly rushed to his room. He had learned long ago to avoid the 'happy couple's' arguments; even after so many years, his body remembered to run when the yelling started.

Climbing onto the bed, Severus covered his ears with his pillow so he wouldn't have to listen to his father's shouting at his wife, which could easily last for an hour or more on nights like this. Severus cursed his present state of weakness once more. Still, he knew better than to bother thinking about his parents' arguments... Severus shivered slightly as his small, tired child's body laid down on his slowly-yellowing white sheets. Even after so many years, he did his best not to think about them.

Luckily, he was too distracted by what had happened during that blasted movie...

The storyline had hit Severus far too close to home for his comfort, as it had included a love triangle consisting of three teens: a boy, his female best friend, and the girl that had bullied the best friend, only to 'reform' and change her ways, winning the boy in the end. It was _far_ too easy to relate the story to his own past, or perhaps future depending on point of view. He had heard that unrequited love could be very painful, but he was quite certain that few had been as painful as his had, so things that reminded Severus of it tended to provoke passionate responses--Harry Potter being a prime example.

Even in that romantic comedy, while the girl had lost the guy she had loved, at least she had still been friends with him. She had managed to stay the best friend even after the end of the film, even though Severus could tell that she had still been badly hurt, something which far outmatched Severus' fate... 'Although I seriously doubt that she was the reason for his death...'

That thought even now caused Severus to wince slightly in remembrance. Even though it had been nearly two decades since the event and he had done his best to repay his debt to her, he was still endlessly reminded of how small a repayment it had been to what he had done. What repayment could possibly match being the cause of her death?

Still, maybe this was a chance to make a true repayment for his immense debt to her. At least this time he could prevent Lily from dying, if this truly was a second chance instead of the probable nightmare... 'But what then? What would come after?'

Severus got up slowly as he pondered this, looking at his childish face's reflection in the dirty window beside him, then sighing. Indeed, that then was a very important question. What would he do if he did save Lily?

Sure, Severus could make sure that Voldemort never learned of the prophecy, perhaps keep Lily as a friend if he hid his past from her, but...that was it, really. She'd never forgive him for what she had done, not if she knew what he had done during his past life. What he had done for her son was good and all, but he wasn't even close to making it up to her...

He shook his head, clearing it of those depressing thoughts. Letting himself fall back onto the bed, he reminded himself of the fact that even if he had made mistake after foolish mistake in his life, he now had a second chance to do things right. 'Assuming that this isn't just some hellish mirage and really is a chance to relive my life, of course-'

Severus smiled a little at the thought. Yes, this could his second chance, a second chance to be friends with Lily, to try to save the world that he had nearly destroyed in an angry teenager's self-destructive desires, to...watch her fall for Potter all over again...

His smile faded, and he barely bit back a snarl.

Lily might be his one, true love, but he wasn't and would never be hers...

* * *

"Hello, nice to meet you. I'm Lily Evans." Lily forced a smile as she met her sister's new friend, a big blond boy with a mean little face and squinting little green eyes, wearing faded blue jeans and a red-striped t-shirt. He was from Petunia's class, apparently a new boy, and Lily disliked him already. She could already tell that he was bad news, what with how the boy acted as if she was just a stupid little girl, a look that some of Petunia's new, older, _better_ friends seemed to all share.

For several seconds, she waited for him to reply, but there was only silence. Feeling her eyes narrowing as the boy ignored her, not even bothering to glance in her direction, Lily repeated herself in a louder volume, "I said, my name's Lily Evans!"

"Yup, she's my little sister. Isn't she just the cutest little thing!?" Petunia chirped as she smiled sunnily at the boy, causing Lily to bite back a growl of annoyance. She _so_ hated being called 'little'; she was almost ten after all! Just because Petunia was two years younger didn't give her the right to call her little!

Meanwhile, the boy gave Lily a quick glare, before muttering, "Jeremy Tibbit." He then turned to Petunia, blushed slightly, then said in a long-suffering tone of voice, "Can we _go_ now, Petunia? It's _boring_."

Lily mumbled aloud, too quietly for him to hear, glaring at the irksome Mr. Tibbit as she did so, "Would be a lot less _boring_ without you around..."

Petunia must have caught it though, as she gave Lily a short glare as she said, face going slightly pink, "Don't worry, Jeremy, I'll be ready in just a minute. Just let me freshen up a little!" Giggling slightly as he nodded, Petunia then ran upstairs, leaving silence behind her.

Several minutes passed, during which Lily occupied herself by trying to see just how heatedly she could glare at the annoying brat that her sister wanted the to hang out with the two of them. However, that quickly became boring; besides, Petunia seemed to _like_ this moron, so she finally said half-heartedly, "Well, if the three of us are having ice cream together-"

"'We'?" The boy interrupted rudely, crossing his arms. "Nuh-uh, just Petunia and I are having ice cream. Little brats like you aren't allowed!"

"Why you-" Lily was about to tell the little boy off, but Petunia had already come rushing downstairs, purse in hand and a bit of gloss shimmering on her smiling lips. Stopping herself, Lily instead asked pleadingly, "Tuney, aren't I coming to get ice cream with you and Jeremy!? Tell him I am...!"

However, Petunia just gave her a pitying little look, before whispering, "Sorry Lily, I told him it would be just the two of us, so I can't..."

Devastated, Lily turned her hopes onto her mother, who had just entered the room. "_Mum_! Please make Tuney let me go get ice cream with her!"

"Mother!" Petunia sounded scandalized, glaring at Lily with a hurt look on her face.

However, she needn't have worried, as Marigold gave Lily a stern look before saying, "Lily, you know as well as I do that you can't go out for ice cream on a school night with the marks you have, ESPECIALLY without your sister's permission."

"Aw..." Lily pouted, but she knew that her mother was right. Still, she really, REALLY wanted to go! "Tuney..."

"No, Lily..."

Petunia then left with her new friend, giving Lily another glare as she did so, while Jeremy smirked triumphantly. Lily wanted to roll up her sleeves and gave that prat a slap on his squinty-eyed little face, but she restrained herself. It would just make Petunia mad, not something she wanted to do if she wanted to go out with her sister in the future.

Once the two other children were out of earshot, Marigold spoke in a quiet but firm tone of voice, putting her hand on Lily's shoulder as she scolded her, "Lily, you know that you aren't in charge of your sister. She can hang out with Jeremy on her own if she wants to, provided she is back in time and keeps her marks up." Her tone then turned a little more worried. "Besides...a little bird told me that you did _it_ again. You _know_ you're not supposed to."

Lily rolled her eyes; her mother could be such a nag about Lily's...ability. 'It's not like it ever hurt anybody, right? So why is it such a big deal to her?'

"Lily..." Her mother said warningly.

"Fine mother." Lily sighed huffily, but she soon smiled as her mother gave her an affectionate little squeeze.

"That's my girl..."

**Author's Note: **Lily's mother's actions may seem odd to many readers, but in canon prior to when Severus met Lily, Petunia repeatedly said that her mother said that Lily shouldn't do 'that' (magic).

As for Severus, well, I'll let the upcoming chapters explain his actions, especially why having a wand wouldn't be such a help for him. It'll be a few chapters before he and Lily meet again though. This is probably going to be a long fic, assuming that I don't abandon it or something.


	3. Fateful Accidents

**Cursed to Relive**

**Chapter 3**

**Fateful Accidents**

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor do I own the Harry Potter Series, X-Men or The Archers.**

'Well, I suppose that it's safe to say that whatever is causing this, it certainly isn't temporary.' Severus mused to himself while sitting alongside his mother as he listened to _The Archers_, one of her favorite radio Soap Operas. He had started to make a habit of doing so since he had little else better to do during his observation phase. He didn't actually pay much attention to it, but he was able to pretend he was well enough that his mother thought he had been intently.

He sighed, admitting the truth and crushing one of his fonder hopes. 'If it was a temporary hallucination brought on by a near-death experience...I'm pretty sure I would have gotten past it by now. At least, I hope that I would have.'

It was a rather saddening thought, as Severus had almost been starting to hope that he was truly dying. The thought of reliving his life again, exactly the same way it had been before...it was too painful to contemplate. It was one of the reasons that he had yet to even try to see Lily again, because he just wasn't ready to admit that this was real and that he couldn't do anything about it...couldn't do anything but watch as she walked slowly but surely into Potter's arms, no matter how much he had tried to impress her, albeit in the most foolish way imaginable...

Suddenly, his mother turned off the telly, causing him to realize that the program must have finished. Smiling at him, she spoke excitedly, black eyes flashing brightly. "So Severus, what did you think? Personally, I think that this 'Roger' character is such a fool for getting together with that Jennifer. I mean, she's already had at least one affair with the cowman..."

Eileen rambled on for almost ten minutes, during which Severus nodded when it was appropriate, still focused on his own situation. 'OK, let's assume that this is real. I've completed my observations, and with the exception of my mother's attempting to inflict her obsession with soaps upon me, nothing has really changed. So...what now?'

Turning over the situation in his mind, Severus quickly grew rather depressed at his lack of options. He was still without access to a wand, stuck in a nine-year old's body, and in a home with two irresponsible parents, his mother being obsessed with soap operas in order to avoid the problems in her own marriage, and his father being a drunken, abusive lout. 'Not that the first matters much... Even if I _had _a wand, I'm too young to make much use of it. It doesn't matter how much skill I have; I just don't have the magic to make it work.'

Still, he had been in far more dire straits when pretending to be Voldemort's puppet, in control of Hogwarts. A lack of options with no-one watching was far easier to deal with than a wealth of options with _everyone _staring straight at him for signs of disobedience or weakness. After all, the first might be possible to deal with via proper planning, but the second... He still didn't know how he had managed to survive for nearly a year under those conditions.

"Eileen, stop your infernal prattlin'. It's just on' of your bloody soaps!" Tobias suddenly interrupted both Severus' thoughts and Eileen's enthusiastic tale with an annoyed shout, giving his wife an angry look. Eileen responded to this by muttering something about the soup being burnt and all but running into the kitchen, causing Severus to sigh.

Snorting in contempt, the muscular mill-worker then turned his gaze on Severus, muttering, "Severus, I got some tickets from Bob Jarvis for the Intercont'nental cup 'tween Manchester United and those forign'rs, an' I think that it would be a good idea for the two of us to go there together nex' week. It'd have to be better than watching those stupid chic' flicks, eh?"

'Oh no, don't tell me...'

Suddenly unable to breathe, Severus said nothing, only nodding weakly. Luckily, his father took it as an assent and gave him a clap on the shoulder before retiring to the telly, bottle of beer in hand. The sounds of cheering crowds and annoying announcers soon echoed throughout the house.

Meanwhile, Severus could only stand there, rooted to the spot. He could still remember the disaster that had occurred at the Intercontinental Cup of 1969, even after nearly three decades. Manchester had only managed to tie, effectively losing to those 'forigners', something which normally would have had his father hopping mad. However, in this case his father had made a huge bet on Manchester a mere two weeks before the match, losing everything when the match had turned out to be a tie. 'And when he returned home, it was a disaster... If it happens again the same way as last time-'

Severus' eyes then widened, as a thought occurred to him. What if he did something about it? This time, he had the advantage of a lifetime's worth of forewarning. Maybe he could _change_ it! At the least, it would be a good way to see just how far he could change this...reality from its original path.

Besides, if he could, then maybe... A flash of soft red hair and grinning green eyes ran across his mind for a moment, before Severus shook his head. No, Lily wouldn't be his even then.

No matter what, there were some things that were fated, that couldn't be changed...

Still, it didn't meant that trying to change this one thing was a bad idea. At the least, it couldn't hurt, right?

* * *

"...It's getting worse dear; I'm almost at wit's end with Lily now. She doesn't seem to understand that we're doing this for her own good, instead playing around like it's MEANINGLESS, like her 'abilities' are something that only matter for fun..."

Richard Evans quickly tuned out his wife's worried, nearly frantic rant, although he would never admit it for fear of being denied dinner...and nookie. The first few times this had happened, he had been at wit's end, but now... It was almost like clockwork now. Every two or three weeks, Marigold would get fed up at how Lily would blissfully ignore her rules about not using her...abilities. She would get into a state of near-hysteria, ranting to him for nearly a quarter of an hour, her favored way to calm herself down. It still confused him how exactly that worked...

Frowning slightly as he nodded at an appropriate level, the Evans family patriarch ruminated, 'I wonder if maybe those American comics might be onto something, what with their _X-Men_ things. Perhaps Lily's one of those mutant things...' He had to resist the urge to snort, picturing his little nine-year old in a green spandex costume, named something absurd like 'The Amazing Petal!'.

"...ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME!?"

His wife's shout suddenly broke into his thoughts, causing the rather portly Mr. Evans to to whirl around so fast that his head seemed to spin. Looking into Mari's enraged emerald eyes, he did the smart thing: trying to head her off by turning the blame on her. "Marigold, we've had this conversation at least twice a month for the last two years. You don't have to remind me every two weeks when nothing's changed! I mean, Lily probably thinks that you're being silly about it, what with how you almost bite her head off everytime she does something even slightly out of the ordinary..."

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say, as the firey woman's glare intensified, shining nearly as brightly as the single tear that glistened in her left eye. Holding his hands placatingly as she stomped toward him, Richard tried to say calmly, "I didn't mean it like that, Mari'. I only meant that in spite of how Lily's been doing 'it' constantly, nothing really bad has happened. Perhaps it's no big deal..."

"No big deal? NO BIG DEAL!?" Marigold started ranting hysterically again, all but screaming as she paced around frantically, emphasizing each of her points with a punch in the air or into the palm of her hand, "Don't you understand just how bad this is!? I mean, what if she blows up her school!? What if she kills someone!? Or worse, what would the NEIGHBORS think if-" Suddenly she stopped mid-rant, taking a deep breath and seeming to diminish slightly, her fringe drooping over her eyes. She then walked over to the nearby kitchen table and sat down in one of the wooden chairs, rocking back just a little bit.

Exhaling slowly, she then turned back to Richard and said quietly, "Maybe you're right, Richard. Maybe...maybe I am blowing this all out of proportion. I just don't-I just don't know what to do! It's driving me mad... I mean, she's my daughter and I...I don't know what..." Realizing that Marigold was going to burst into tears if he didn't do anything, Richard quickly walked over and put a hand on her shoulder, the other making soothing circles on her back.

She leaned into his touch for nearly a minute, before turning and giving him a tremulous smile. "Thanks Richard, I needed that..."

"It-it was nothing, Mari'." Richard assured, continuing his stroking as he did so, not wanting her to return to her hysteria.

"It's just...it's just that I'm so worried. What if Lily's abilities hurt someone someday? You remember when she broke that glass of Jeremy's last week; what if he had been holding it at the time? Or worse, _drinking _out of it?" By now, Marigold's anger had completely dissipated, leaving only worry and fear. Richard really couldn't blame her for it much. What if that boy Petunia liked _had _been holding it when it exploded? The blast had been quite strong indeed, to the point that it might have put him in the hospital had it gone off...

Swallowing, Richard spoke quietly, "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, Marigold. Who knows? Maybe she'll grow out of it?"

The haggard housewife smiled slightly, snuggling against his chest as she did so, but her words still had worry coursing through them. "But what if she doesn't, Richard? What if she never grows out of it?"

Holding his wife tightly, Richard said grimly, "If it comes down to it, I'll do whatever it takes to keep Lily safe. I promise. Whatever it takes..."

* * *

Severus frowned grimly as he prepared for the football match taking place that day; his father had decided to spring for some good clothes this time, probably because he didn't want to be seen in public with his son dressed as a hobo. It was a good thing too, as Severus' normal clothes were unsightly for anything beyond mud-wrestling. Even then it was probably a stretch.

Still, he didn't spend much time thinking about it, as he had far greater concerns to deal with. This day was a very important one, being one of the worst days in his life...before Hogwarts and the 'Marauders' that is. In Severus' original life, after finding out he had lost a truly enormous amount of money thanks to his bad bet, Tobias had gotten good and roaring drunk before heading home in a state of absolute rage. He had then shouted at his wife, screaming at her for half the night, even slapping her once or twice when his fury boiled over.

It had been horrifying for the nine-year old boy to witness, hiding at the top of the stairs, unable to sleep with the howling noises that his father was making...

'However, I am no longer that nine-year old boy,' Severus reminded himself. 'Even if I am in a nine-year old's body, I am not helpless. I have some knowledge of the future, and I can plan to deal with anything...' He then abruptly pictured Lily passionately kissing her future husband at the age of eighteen, feeling ill as he did so. '...Well, almost anything. Still, this should make an excellent test of my ability to change this reality...or lack thereof.'

Luckily, although he no longer had access to the perfect recall granted by Dumbledore's pensieve, Severus had managed to piece together the order of events from his memory for the most part. It helped that the event was so awful that he had experienced nightmares about it for nearly a year afterwards.

First the two of them would drive to where the match was located, his father trying to psyche him and Severus up for the game during the ride. They would then get snacks, haggling with a frankly idiotic vendor and getting his father rather annoyed, then watch the game together. During this part, although aggravated, Tobias would be more or less under control. However, Tobias would be utterly furious at how the team proved unable to do better than a tie game, chugging one beer after the other during the match and slowly working himself into a fury.

After driving in a mad frenzy, barely avoiding getting pulled over by the bobbies, they would arrive home. Then the last binding on Tobias' restraint would snap when he found that Eileen had inadvertently overcooked the roast beef they were having for dinner, having been distracted by one of her soaps while she was preparing it. Tobias would then explode...

Using all of the subtlety and planning that he had spent an entire lifetime learning, Severus had already considered some of the ways he could prevent this from happening, taking a few steps already; he had made sure to suggest to his parents that they have sandwiches for dinner rather than the roast beef, subtly suggesting that it would be best to have something that would be perfect whatever time they returned home.

Additionally, he was going to be on his best behavior, not giving his father any reasons to be angry. Considering his temper was much like his father's, it would be tough, but he would manage. This was important, and so Severus had pulled out all the stops he could in his nine-year old's body. Just like with his potions experiments, there was little point in trying to do this half-heartedly. Severus needed, _needed_ to know whether or not he was truly capable of making a difference...

And if not... Well, he would cross that bridge when he came to it.

Regardless, Severus would endure. He always had, and he always would.

Looking himself over one last time, still mildly shocked to see himself with clean hair at this age--he had washed it as part of his anger-prevention preparations-- Severus nodded and walked out of his room...only to almost run into his mother.

Just barely able to stop himself at the last second, he backed up and looked at her in confusion; she rarely came over to his room, allowing him his privacy ever since he was old enough to take care of dressing himself, so what was she doing here?

As if to answer his question, Eileen gave a small smile and gave him a tight hug, squeezing gently as she whispered into his ear, "I made you a boxed lunch for the game today, Severus, your father too. I'm glad to see that you've been trying so hard to make this day with your father go so well; I was beginning to think that the two of you would never get along..." She paused, then pushed him away a bit, looking him over with a critical eye before beaming at him. "Now, don't you look so handsome, Severus? I'll bet that all the girls at Hogwarts will be throwing themselves at you when you go there the fall after next!"

Severus almost pitied his mother for her naivety; no matter how the match today went, he and his father would never get along, since his father would never accept him unless he gave up his magic--something he would never, _ever _do. Even then, Severus and the man had nothing in common. As for the girls at Hogwarts... Well, he had had a girlfriend for a few months in the sixth year, but that hadn't lasted past her O.W.L.s. Even now he couldn't be sure whether that was a coincidence or not... No-one else had even bothered to express any desire for anything at the friendship level or beyond, save of course for Lily.

Still, he forced a smile for his mum's sake, although he knew it made his face look positively ghastly. "Yeah, it-it should be a lot of fun..."

Smiling at him, Eileen gave her son one final squeeze, whispering into his ear, "Have a great day, son..." She then walked away, a small spring in her step.

Severus wondered whether or not his mother had been trying out cheering charms again... It was the only explanation he could think of for how she was acting.

Suddenly his father's shout broke into his thoughts, "Severus Tobias Snape, git your pimpled bum down here right this minute! We've gotta get goin', now!"

Not wanting to aggravate his father, Severus quickly hastened downstairs, saving his thoughts about his mother's strange behavior for a later date. 'OK, remember, Do. Not. Anger. Father.'

* * *

"It doesn't matter that Tuney's busy, does it Betsy?" Lily smiled at her rather ratty, brown-haired doll, an long-ago gift from Petunia; holding it gently, she brushed its hair tenderly, talking to it as she did so. Betsy liked playing over by the tree across from the playground, watching the other kids, and Lily liked the place for its solitude...even if her sister no longer came there anymore...

Feeling a sudden jolt of loneliness coursing through her, Lily whispered to her beloved doll, "We'll be just fine without her, won't we? We don't need her and her stupid new friends, do we? We're just fine, just fine..."

Over the past few months, Petunia had become more and more distant from her little sister, spending almost all of her time with her new friends and avoiding Lily. It had been nearly two months since the two of them had played house together, or gone to the playground, and Lily was feeling rather... 'No! I don't need her! I can have fun on my own! Loads and loads of fun!'

Still, she couldn't keep her eyes from stinging with tears as she thought about-

"Well, if it isn't the li'l freak of the family... How are you doing, Lilykins?" Jeremy Tibbit's voice suddenly broke into Lily's spot, causing Lily to jerk slightly, before her eyes narrowed. This place was supposed to be her sanctuary when she was at school, as most of the other kids preferred to play on the playground equipment, and now this bratty twelve-year-old was intruding. It was enough to drive a girl mad. "Playing by yourself because your sister's too busy with her _real_ friends?" he taunted her, laughing mockingly.

"Stop bothering me, you jerk! This is my spot, not yours!" shouted the angry redhead, glaring at the boy standing on the playground's edge. He was smirking slightly, clearly amused as she tried to tell him off. "And stop bothering my sister! You...urgh! Leave us alone, you horrible, awful little boy!"

"But," Jeremy said with a grin, as Lily's face reddened with anger, "Petunia _likes _it when I'm hanging around with her, it's just _you _she doesn't want to play with."

Glowering at the stupid boy, Lily felt the sting around her eyes starting to return as he reminded her of how Petunia rarely played with her anymore. Feeling herself about to cry, she turned away so he wouldn't see her tears and whispered, "Just go away...jerk."

Seeming to know that he had gone too far, the boy muttered, "Sorry, didn't mean to... Stupid girls." For a moment, there was a silence, and Lily began to hope that he would leave her alone, but then he asked curiously, "What's that? What've you got there?"

Lily turned back, only to see Jeremy grabbing Betsy and picking her up by her frayed brown pigtail. Jumping up, Lily tried to take her back from the much bigger boy, shouting as she did so, "Don't touch that! Betsy's really fragile, and Petunia gave her to me! You'll break her if you keep holding her like that!"

Jeremy held the doll high above Lily's head, rolling his eyes as she desperately tried to take back the doll, which was just out of her reach. "'Betsy'? This little bundle of scraps has a name?" He then threw it to the ground and sneered at Lily. "No wonder Petunia gave it to you; it's absolutely disgusting! It would be better off in a dumpster somewhere!"

With that remark, Lily saw red; screaming a war-cry she had had heard on one of her father's telly programs, she leaped on the boy, punching him in the stomach. Clearly stunned, Jeremy fell back, almost landing on his bum as Lily kept hitting him with all the strength in her little body.

However, in spite of her fury, there was no getting around the fact that Jeremy was bigger, stronger and older. He soon got over his surprise and shoved her to the ground hard, growling as he did so. Lily gave a cry of pain as her knee slammed into a tree root, before turning and shoving him back with all her strength, feeling a strange sensation as she did so. This time, the boy didn't just fall back a little bit, instead he flew.

...and flew...

...and flew...

...finally slamming into one of the swingset bars with a sickinging 'crunch'! There was silence for a split second, then he started screaming, holding his leg as tears poured from his eyes, "Oh...oh that hurts! Help m-me! So-somebody help me!"

Almost immediately, everyone started to converge around the fallen boy, like ants on a fallen sandwich. Even the supervising teachers dropped everything as he screamed for help.

Meanwhile, Lily could only stand there watching, shocked into horrified immobility. How had this _happened_? She had just wanted to push him away, not hurt him like _this_. A vision ran through her mind of her mother warning her about her 'abilities', causing Lily to gasp in horror, looking at her hands as if they were monstrous claws. Had _she _done this? Was it her fault?

Jeremy screamed once more, and Lily found herself moving without meaning to, trying to go over and do _something_, something to help. Petunia was already there though, tears in her eyes as she tried put her hand on the boy's shoulder, but he wrenched it away. She tried again, but he shoved her back, shouting, "St-stay away from m-me! Just stay away! You and your little freak of a sister, both of you, just stay away from me! She did this, LILY did this to me! SHE'S A MONSTER!"

Slowly, everyone turned, silently staring right at Lily, eyes questioning. Almost whispering, she tried to explain, babbling, "I didn't m-mean to... It was an accident, really. I wasn't trying to-"

She was interrupted though by their grizzled History teacher, Mr. Andrew Johnson, who said coldly, "I'm afraid that you're going to have to come with me, Miss Evans..."

After one last look around the playground, looking at the terrified, staring crowd, Lily nodded and followed the man inside of the old wooden school...

* * *

"Father, you must be tired by now. Wouldn't it be best if you just grabbed a couple of sandwiches and went to bed?" Severus pleaded in a placating tone of voice, trying to push Tobias along quickly. Severus' attempts to not aggravate his father during the game had failed miserably; the man was drunk as a lord and as furious as Severus had ever seen him, and he didn't show any signs of calming down anytime soon.

Still, perhaps if he was quiet, careful and didn't anger the man, everything would be fine...

However, his drunk father only growled and wagged his finger drunkenly, glaring angrily at his son. "Stop tryin' to push me around, li'l freak! I can doa-dloo-do this myself! I dunna need help from a swotty little nine-year ol' boy!"

Severus was beginning to feel a bit nervous, as his father was a very large, strong man and Severus was unable to cast a spell to defend himself. Tobias had never laid a hand on him personally, but there had been a few close calls... Still, he tried to calm his father down, saying in a forced calm, "Father...please don't do anything foolish... It was just a game, not-"

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say. Snarling in rage, Tobias grabbed the him by the scruff of his neck, lifting Severus up nearly a foot in the air and glaring at him with squinting little eyes. "Jus' a game!? YOU LITTLE ID'OT! I just lost nearly a two-hundre' pounds on that game! That's about a month o' me salary! So take your 'just a game' junk and CHOKE ON IT! You stupid li'l fool!"

Gasping for air, Severus nodded frantically, but his father only glared even more at him. Smelling his father's beer-stained breath and seeing the man's other hand clenching into a fist and back again, Severus started to wonder if today he would be the target of his father's strong fists instead of his mother...

However, after nearly a minute during of looking down at Severus as if he were pond-scum, his father let go, snorting in disgust. Tobias then shoved his son out of the way, walking drunkenly into the dirty, unwashed kitchen and leaving Severus on the floor, trying to regain his breath. 'Well, I suppose that could have gone worse. At least there's nothing much left to provoke the man now, what with how mother usually avoids him when he is in this state.'

After catching his breath, Severus walked inside with only a slight wince, peering around carefully to make sure he didn't run into his father. His thoughts were interrupted by his mother tapping him on the shoulder, somehow having managed to sneak up on him. Turning, Severus looked into her identical black eyes, which were examining him critically. Clearly noticing his twinge of pain and shortness of breath, Eileen said softly, eyes knitted with worry, "Severus, you're hurt..."

Severus tried to shrug her off, muttering "I'm fine.". He had far more important things to concern himself with after all; he needed to keep any provocations away from his father for a few hours, or at least until he went to bed. Besides, he had suffered under far more painful torments than something as trivial as what Tobias had done...

Still, Eileen kept fussing over Severus, patting him and looking over the already-bruising area as she said worriedly, "Severus, are you OK? Let me have a look at you... Ugh, don't tell me that you provoked your father... You know how temperamental he can get after he loses a little money." She said the last bit in an exasperated sigh, clicking her tongue disapprovingly.

"Don't worry, mum, I'm fine!" Severus said stubbornly as he pushed her questing hands away, feeling a dark surge of anger at how it was automatically his fault that it had happened...even though it was. It didn't mean he liked being blamed for it though.

However, Eileen kept trying to pull down his collar, getting a better look at his neck in spite of his attempts to get her off of him. In the end, Severus decided to acquiesce to her weird behavior, albeit with a cold glare at the woman as she muttered a quiet healing charm; it was a very weak one, Severus knew, but it was the only one she could cast while wandless.

Sometimes, Severus couldn't help but despise her for her weakness, giving up her wand on Tobias' say-so. Still, she was a rather accomplished witch when she wasn't acting like a silly little Muggle, and Severus could feel the bruises on his neck beginning to lighten with a slight burning sensation.

Smiling, Eileen nodded in satisfaction. "There we go, that should keep you until you heal up."

However his father suddenly shouted, having apparently noticed from the kitchen door where he was now standing, "Leave off the boy, Eileen! Stop fussin' over him!"

Eileen jumped slightly in surprise, not having noticed her husband either, before clamming up and nodding obediently at Tobias. Had Severus been a less consumate-spy or actor, he probably would have believed a sigh of relief at this, as it would have been a very bad idea to aggravate Tobias in this state and Eileen's being quiet was the best way to keep her safe...

Nonetheless, it was very lucky that the drunken man didn't seem to have noticed that his wife had actually used magic, or things would have gotten very hairy indeed...

However, Eileen didn't seem to realize the danger of talking, as after only a few seconds of silence she started excitedly whispering in Severus' ear, "Well then, now that the two of you are back from your game, would you like to listen to the radio with me, Severus? There's another-"

Severus' eyes widened in horror; this was NOT a good time for his mother to act like this,especiallyabout _this _topic. As he knew he would, the man stomped over to them and shouting angrily, making an angry fist and slamming it against the coffee table as he did so, "SHUT UP, EILEEN! I've bloody had enough o' your coddling of the boy! If you keep acting like this, you'll make him some bloody chit in a man's body! An' I won't stand for me son acting like some blasted li'l poofter! It's humi...hmui...humiliating!"

Eileen shivered in fear and shock, apparently surprised at how she had been overheard. However, instead of doing the smart thing and being quiet once more, she kept talking. Frowning as she said in a voice that almost seemed to be a murmur, Eileen stood her ground, "Come on, don't be stupid, Tobias. He's just a boy, he needs a mother's love, or he'll end up like one of those drug-pushers or male whores over by Clark and Silverton. You know what I mean, right?"

Even as he watched in horror while his father seemed to grow angrier by the second, Severus had to resist the urge to roll his eyes at the 'mother's love' comment. He would bet at least five Galleons that she was just trying to score points with Tobias, and it was at the worst time she could possibly do so...

Glaring at her murderously for nearly a minute as Eileen continued her quiet tirade, Tobias finally balled his hand into fist and screamed, "How dare you talk back to ME like that!? WORTHLESS BINT!" The drunken, angry man then punched Eileen in the face as hard as he possibly could, roaring furiously as he did so. With a single, wordless cry, Eileen fell to the ground with a sickening thud, nearly slamming her head against the edge of the couch-side table on the way down.

For a moment, there was silence in the room as Severus' father looked down at his fallen wife; even he seemed stunned at how badly it had gone, and Severus suspected that the man hadn't intended to strike her so hard. Eyes not straying from the broken body on the dirty carpet, Tobias asked hesitantly, sounding as if he were trying to convince himself, "Wasn' my fault, she was askin' for it...Wasn' she? I...I didn't mean to..." He whispered the last, voice sounding frantic as he did so.

Meanwhile, Severus could only watch in shocked horror, a single thought echoing through his suddenly-empty mind, 'That...that didn't happen last time...'

**Author's Note: **Sorry for the long wait people; I'm trying to make sure that I'm always more than a chapter ahead of what I'm posting before I actually do so. Also, it's almost finals at school and I have like four or five projects to do, so I'm going to be a bit slower than usual in posting.

Some of you might be wondering why Severus is reacting so stoically to the situation, why he hasn't either gotten particularly furious or happy in quite a while. Well, the reason is pretty simple: he doesn't really believe that it's real...and he's waiting for the other shoe to drop. After all, _nothing _in his life in ages has brought him good without some great cost, so what's the point of getting excited? You'll see some more excitement, for good or ill, in the upcoming chapters, but don't expect too much from our dark hero.

For those of you who might be wondering, the characters of the primary pairing of the story might be a couple of chapters before they actually meet, and Lily's trials will likely be as bad as Severus' are...

Also, for readers of some of my other fics, 'The Law of Unintended Consequences' Chapter 55 is about 50% done, but I'm running into some writer's block. Sorry!


	4. Aftermath

**Cursed to Relive**

**Chapter 4**

**Aftermath**

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor do I own the Harry Potter Series.**

Marigold Evans sighed deeply as she opened the door to her nine year-old daughter's room; the call from Lily's history teacher had been loud indeed, and highly nervewracking besides. According to him, Lily had somehow hit Jeremy so hard that he had broken his left leg, needing to be taken to the hospital.

Although the man was at a loss for how it could have happened, given that the other children had claimed that Lily had been far away from where Jeremy had ended up, Marigold had her suspicions...

Crossing her arms as she leaned against the Lily's doorframe in support (and more than mild anxiety), she said exasperatedly, "Lily, could you please explain to me what happened today?"

Lily whirled around to look at her mother with worried green eyes for a moment, before turning back to the window she had been staring at, her eyes more than a little red. Biting her lip, Lily then asked in a quiet, defeated tone of voice, eyes looking everywhere but at Marigold's face, "Err, what do you mean, mum?"

Temper rising, Lily's mother counted to ten, then said in a deadpan voice, "I got a phone call from your school teacher, Mr. Johnson, today; apparently, you and Jeremy Tibbit had a little incident during recess. Care to explain?" For a moment, there was a silence.

"I...I dunno. H-he was just... He shoved me, right? I just...I dunno..." Lily started babbling, face turning pale and eyes filling with tears as Marigold tried to listen patiently.

Meanwhile, Lily continued frantically, arms wrapping tightly around her small body as she sobbed, "...He shoved me...and I was angry, and I didn't mean it or nothing! But...I wanted to shove him back. He had insulted Betsy and I got mad, but I...I was too weak. I couldn't push him, but somehow I wanted him to be shoved...and he went flying into that swing-set. I didn't mean to do it, I swear!" By now she was almost shrieking out her words, they were so high-pitched. Any semblance of a coherent story had vanished into hysteria.

Realizing this was getting them nowhere, Marigold quickly pulled Lily into a hug, whispering comfortingly as she patted her on the back, "There, there... Lily, it's OK. I'm sure that you didn't mean to do it..."

Hiccuping slightly, Lily whispered in a muffled tone of voice-muffled because her face was crushed into her mother's chest, "O-of course I d-didn't. I didn't mean it...I di-didn't..."

Sitting down on Lily's small bed as her daughter continued to cry, rocking her as she held her, Marigold waited for the tears to subside. After nearly a minute, with no sign of abatement, she whispered softly, "Don't worry, Littlest Flower, everything's going to be alright. Just make sure that you don't try doing things like that again; I had Petunia trying to keep on eye on you for a reason after all..."

Looking crestfallen, Lily looked up at her blond mother with pleading eyes, "But...but that was just flowers and stuff! It wasn't hurting anyone!"

Rubbing soothing circles on the redheaded little girl's back, the middle-aged parent sighed as she said quietly, "Lily, we don't know what's causing this...strangeness about you. Until we do, you have got to be more careful about it. I mean, what if the neighbors found out about this? We'd be laughed at, a lot."

For a moment, Lily looked as though she were about to protest, but then she sighed and said, "Al-alright, I'll try not to do any of that...stuff, especially nothing which can hurt anyone."

"That's a good girl, Littlest Flower." Marigold then smirked slightly, squeezing Lily's arm for a moment as she changed the subject with a chuckle. "Now, go and get ready for supper. We've got to make sure that you get a nice, big dinner. After all, you're a growing girl, aren't you?"

Lily hiccuped once more, but she shook her head with a watery smile as she said valiantly, "Yup, I sure am!" She then ran to the door of her room and shouted, "Hey, Tuney! Mum says it's time for supper-"

"Time to get ready for supper." corrected her mother, forcing a small smile.

Grinning sheepishly, Lily corrected herself with another shout, "Err, time to get READY for supper I mean. Come on Tuney! I bet I'll be ready faster!"

As the now-excited little girl raced out of the room, preparing herself for dinner, Marigold felt her smile start to fade. Lily's...strangeness had always greatly concerned her, but this was the first time that she had actually hurt anybody. "I just hope that it doesn't become a habit..." she whispered to herself. She didn't want to admit it, not even to herself, but she was starting to feel a little bit afraid around her youngest daughter...

Perhaps it was time now to take some steps to deal with the situation, especially as Lily's teacher had been quite clear that Lily would likely get expelled for her actions...not that Marigold could blame him. After all, what teacher in their right mind would sit around and do nothing when someone was nearly killed?

Richard and her had considered putting Lily into home-schooling if something went wrong; perhaps now was the time to actually go through with it...

* * *

'It...It's real, isn't it? All of it, this is all real. Voldemort wouldn't have allowed a change like that if this were a nightmare realm; that sort of thing just can't be controlled. There's no way that this would have lasted as long as it has if it were a near-death experience. What else is there? It just has to be bloody real...' Severus thought to himself dazedly.

It didn't seem possible, even as he laid back in his bed, unmoving as he stared up at the ceiling. 'I...I really can change what happened...even if it's only for the worse...'

He then whispered aloud, knowing that he was safe from eavesdroppers because there was nothing going on worth listening in on, "It might have been better if it were fake though. What a mess last night was... If mum had hit that table, then...then she would've died. If it's real...then that's another person who I could've failed."

Severus swallowed as he remembered that particular incident: the blood from his mother's broken nose covering her face, his utter paralysis from shock, his father's frantic yells for god to forgive him as the two of them worked together to patch up Eileen, all the while ordering Severus not to call an ambulance.

It...it had been terrifying for Severus, even after an entire lifetime to harden himself to death, having been forced to kill the second person he had truly considered to be a real friend--not that Dumbledore had considered him to be a friend, preferring an effective tool to true friendship. Still, it was one thing to stay stoic in the face of someone he didn't care about getting hurt, but when it was someone he _did_ care about...

Severus shivered. He had almost killed someone he cared about, _again_. 'Even now, she might still die... It's been hours since she was knocked unconscious. What if she doesn't wake up? Should I have called the ambulance anyway? Should I call them _now_? She doesn't seem to be in any danger, but what if...?'

He looked at his mother, unsteady breathing interspersed with periodic soft, pained moans. Tobias had gone downstairs for a 'pick-me-up' about two hours ago, after carrying his wife upstairs, leaving Severus alone with her. 'No...it's too late, too late again, just like always... Even if I called them now...it would be too late if she's about to die, and they would just get in her way if she needed to heal herself with magic.'

Indeed, Tobias had quietly gone up to the attic sometime during the night, fetching the wand that he normally kept hidden in a locked chest and bringing it down to the master bedroom. Apparently, his normal dislike of magic had for once taken a backseat to simple necessity; now Eileen's wand laid on the bedsided table, dark wood shining slightly in the moonlight that provided the only illumination.

'Besides,' Severus thought bitterly, hating how his father had left Eileen to fend for herself. 'if Eileen heals herself, he doesn't have to think about what he has done-'

"S...Se...Severus? Is that you?" Eileen's voice was weak, but she managed to sit up nonetheless, blinking slowly at her son. Apparently noticing the terrible wound disfiguring her face, she suddenly hissed in pain. "What the hell!? Did an elephant sit on my face or something!? Oh MERLIN, that _hurts_!"

Unable to keep the bitter anger from his voice, Severus spoke coldly, yet softly, "That was a 'gift' from father. Must've been particularly sloshed last night... He didn't hit so hard last time..." As he said this, he felt another jolt of icy guilt hit him; his mother would probably think that he was referring to the last time that Tobias got this drunk and angry, but Severus knew better. If it hadn't been for him, for his actions, then maybe...

Breaking off from these depressing thoughts, Severus continued brusquely, "He left your wand so that you could fix yourself up. Apparently 'freakish witchery' only matters when-"

"Not now, Severus!" Eileen snapped as she groped around blindly for her wand with one hand, her other one clutching her head. "You know how Tobias can be when drunk. Besides," she suddenly seemed to recall something. "I think that Manchester U. lost the game, didn't they? He would have been _really _angry after that, wouldn't he have?"

As he grabbed her wand and offered it to her, Severus couldn't stop himself from commenting with a bitter sneer, "He did say that he lost some money betting on them, but he still shouldn't have hit you! You nearly died after all..."

"Severus..." said his mother in a warning tone of voice, before muttering a quick wound-closing charm as she glanced in the mirror by her bedside table. Her nose healed for the moment, at least until she got a better look at it, Eileen sighed in relief.

She then turned to Severus and said softly, a slightly-pained smile on her face, "I'm sure that it was just an accident. You know he doesn't mean it; he just has a temper, and when he gets really pissed, he can lose it if he gets provoked badly enough. I'm more worried about you, Severus. Are you OK?"

"I'm OK, mother, but..." trailing off, Severus fell silent, glaring angrily. He didn't know why he bothered; he knew it was futile. His mother never listened to him about his father in his past life after all. Why should this one be any different?

Sighing, he muttered, "Nevermind. Father's probably piss-drunk again already, so just go back to sleep. You need your rest after all..."

Nodding, Eileen gave her son a small squeeze on his shoulder, whispering, "See you in the morning then, Severus..."

Holding her hand for a brief moment, Severus walked over to a nearby chair and sat down on it heavily. 'Well...at least this time no-one died due to my foolishness... That's one bright spot...'

Eileen would find her son still there when she woke up later, having stayed there the whole night.

* * *

Lily sat quietly at her desk, working on one of the arithmetic problems that her mother had furnished for her self-study since she couldn't go to school anymore. It was something about how they were afraid that the other students would be mean to her, perhaps trying to hurt her for her _weirdness_. She didn't blame them; only a few of her friends had stuck by her after _that day_...

It was...sad that she couldn't see her few remaining friends much anymore because of this, she being only able to see them outside of school and if she had been a _good girl_, but Lily understood what her parents were thinking. She had hurt Jeremy very, very badly with her abilities, and this was what she deserved for it. They didn't need to say it, as Lily already knew the truth in her heart...

Still, that didn't mean that she had to be bored the whole time, and she frequently spent time having fun; it was just that her fun was more...solitary than it had been before, that's all. After she got done with today's arithmetic problems, Lily planned to play with Betsy for a bit, before seeing if there was anything in which she could help her mother. Although housework wasn't a whole lot of fun, it made her mother smile a lot, something her mother hadn't done often of late.

'Besides, it's the sort of thing good girls do...' Lily thought to herself with a smirk. 'If nothing else, Mum'll probably be real pleased if I help her with cleaning up after supper again!'

"Hey...doing your schoolwork?" Lily turned around at the sound of her father's voice, seeing the overweight man standing at her bedroom door. "I know I'm supposed to knock, but..." He trailed off, appearing awkward much like he had been ever since _the incident_. Still, he had a smile on his face, so Lily knew it was nothing bad.

"It's alright, daddy," Lily said with a grin, "I'm just about done with it, and I haven't had any trouble with it, not at all! In fact, it's really kinda easy once you get the hang of it. I mean, Tuney complains about it so much-" Lily abruptly fell silent, unable to continue as she was reminded of the problems with her sister.

Petunia had taken it pretty hard when Jeremy told her that he didn't want to play with her anymore because of her 'monstrous freak of a sister!'; apparently, she had had a huge crush on the pig-eyed boy, and since Lily's _weirdness_ had been the reason he wouldn't talk to her anymore, Lily had been the one to blame in her sister's eyes. As such, she hadn't spoken to Lily at all for several weeks afterward; even now she only spoke to Lily when it was absolutely necessary.

Apparently realizing why his daughter had fallen silent, Richard Evans quickly changed the subject, "Well, that's good I suppose, but don't work too hard now. Your mum might be a workaholic, but that doesn't mean that you need to be." His smile, which had faded slightly, suddenly rebounded. "On a lighter note, your mother told me to tell you that she's making roast beef and Yorkshire pudding tonight; it should be ready in about ten minutes, so you'd better go wash up."

Lily nodded dutifully, shutting her workbook and preparing to leave; however, her father put a hand on her shoulder, frowning slightly. He then asked softly, a worried note creeping into his voice, "Lily, are you OK? I mean, how is _this _treating you? We're sorry that your friends have been..." He trailed off for a moment, before continuing in a different tone of voice, a much cheerier one, "What would you say to having some ice cream with your dear old dad tonight? We haven't done that in a while. Perhaps the two of us could even play a game of chess together or something. How about it?"

Her grin returning instantly, Lily nodded excitedly. "And I'll kick your bum too, dad! Last time was clearly just a setback!" It was almost a requirement that the two of them trash talk each other before the latest 'match of the century!', and now was no exception.

"Not a chance, Lily, not a CHANCE!" her father responded in kind, an ear-to-ear grin visible on his face as he turned round. However, he suddenly paused, clapping a hand to his balding forehead. "Oh! I almost forgot to tell you this...but how would you like to go shopping with me this Saturday? Your mom's using up the last of our roast beef tonight, and I was thinking that we might want to get some more for our Sunday dinner. You know how much both of us like roast beef and Yorkshire pudding, eh Lily?"

Giggling, Lily said eagerly, "Sure, sounds like fun!" She then smirked slightly. "But if you don't let me go wash up, I won't be able to have any _tonight_..."

"Found out again! My treacherous plans to steal the feast have been quashed by the brilliant princess!" said Richard dramatically, causing Lily's giggles to turn into peals of laughter. Laughing along with her, he grinned as he continued, "Well, run along then, princess, or your meal might 'mysteriously' vanish!"

Laughter fairly bubbling from her, Lily raced away, a truly happy smile on her face for the first time in ages...

* * *

'This is strange.' Severus thought to himself, frowning as he sipped at his milk at breakfast. Avoiding the eyes of his father, which these days seemed to show disgust more often than even in his original life, Severus carefully observed his mother. She was actually smiling, and it wasn't because she was watching one of her programs, but at this pathetic excuse for a family get-together. 'What is going on with her? It's...odd.'

Although Tobias generally avoided the rest of his family, hating their 'weird strangenes' and magic', he had always made it a point for all of them to eat breakfast together. Usually, it was a quiet meal, none of the three talking to one another, a pathetic mockery of the families portrayed in the television programs that Severus had started watching...

Severus then snorted at the still-surprising thought, causing his mother to look at him quizzically a moment before returning to her meal. 'Hard to believe that after spending years bleeding myself dry for victory over the Dark Lord, I now spend my free time watching bloody chick flicks...'

In hindsight, it was easy for Severus to understand why Eileen watched them; it was nice to see the romantic dramas of other people and imagine what a life like that could have been like if he had been a more...deserving person. Maybe if he had been smarter, more handsome, nicer...hadn't driven away and killed the woman _he_ loved...

Severus' depressing thoughts were suddenly halted by the sound of his father's voice, the man sweeping the table with a stern glare as he spoke in a tired tone of voice. "Eileen, I'm goin' to be bringing some of my co-workers over next weekend for union business. Sat'rday, I think. Make sur' that you an' Severus aren't underfoot or anythin' like that."

"Yes, Tobias, we'll stay out of you boys' way." Eileen said obediently, her eyes dull as her voice. However, she then brightened slightly, before turning to Severus, "How about we make a day of it, Severus? It might be fun!" She then glanced back at her husband, who was clearly listening intently. "You wouldn't mind, would you, Tobias?"

Tobias paused for a moment, then shrugged. Getting up he muttered, "Do what'ver you wan'. I've gotta get goin' to the mill though, so don't pester me 'bout it, OK?" The man then shoved his chair back into its proper place under the table, before putting action to words and striding away with his normal heavy steps.

It was apparently back to normal at the Snape family house, just like it had been in the months since the Intercontinental Cup incident. Once again, he only ever hit her when he got _really_ drunk and angry, most of the time just yelling at her if he was cross. 'Still, that is no excuse and never should have been one, not that it seems to matter much to _her_...' Severus thought to himself heatedly, unable to keep himself from glaring at his porridge.

Lost in thought, Severus missed the sound of the front door clicking shut. However, that didn't keep him from hearing when his mother asked curiously, "So, Severus, what would you like to do together?" She frowned for a moment, then spoke on thoughtfully, "You know, other than watching programs with me, I don't know much about what sort of things you like..."

Severus found himself unable to speak, not knowing what to say. In his 'past life', he had amused himself by horsing around with Lily, sometimes reading up on spells and hexes so that he would be ready to impress everyone when he arrived at Hogwarts. He had rarely talked with his mother save for when he wanted something from her, however in this life he had found himself spending most of his time just watching television programs with Eileen and doing simple housework.

Really, it was actually rather boring, but he didn't have any interest in what other boys his age would have, and it would be awfully strange if he started acting like the adult he was in truth. Still, he needed to say something, so finally swallowing, he whispered quietly, "I...I'm not sure. Anything you'd like, I suppose."

His mother 'hmmm'd' for a moment, a finger delicately placed to her lips. Seeming to think about it, she then asked, "How about the two of us go shopping together then? And maybe go out for ice cream together afterward. Would you like to bring any friends of yours around?" Her voice then soured slightly, although Severus doubted that many people would have noticed. "Whatever happened to that red-headed girl you told me about, Tilly? Lillian? You know, the one you said was a witch but didn't know it."

Severus froze; he had forgotten about how he had told his mother about Lily before he had actually gone up to talk to her. What should he tell her? He didn't want to go into his past life, at least not right then. Still, he didn't want to lie, not to her...

In the end, he decided to tell her a half-truth, telling her what happened originally. "Err...I went up to talk to her, but she didn't want to talk to me. I kinda insulted her sister though... It's probably for the best anyway."

Her mother frowned at this, although Severus could tell that she was secretly quite pleased. It was quite understandable, as his mother had never cared much for Muggles or Muggleborns, apart from her husband that is--that more out of willful denial than actual mutual affection. Lily had been no exception to Eileen's, so it was little surprise when the woman nodded in satisfaction. "It probably is for the best, but that can't have been fun, could it? Silly little Muggle-spawn, to be honest. You'd be better off with real friends, not childish little girls like her..."

Even though it had apparently been an entire lifetime since the incident, Severus couldn't help but try to defend Lily. "I called her sister a Muggle, and Lily a witch. They probably thought that I was trying to call them names and such. It's not there fault that I was vague..."

Eileen gave Severus a thoughtful look for a moment, then shrugged. "Did you apologize, Severus? Apologizing and telling people you're sorry always helps..."

Severus slowly shook his head, although he actually had done so originally, explaining that he hadn't meant to insult them or anything.

To this, his mother tutted thoughtfully, shaking her head in bemusement. "Oh well, it's probably for the best anyway; she sounds too head-strong to make much of a friend. Now then, as for this weekend..."

"Maybe...maybe you're right, mum..." Unwilling to say anything more, Severus nodded slowly, merely watching as his mother rattled off plans for the next weekend. Eileen didn't know of how he had harmed Lily so greatly, in so many ways... Besides, he had other matters to attend to, such as the way his mother was acting; it was the most excited that he had seen her in either lifetime, and Severus couldn't figure out why... 'This is so strange...'

Still, that didn't mean that he wouldn't figure out in the end. He had been a very good spy after all.

**Author's Note: **I'm still not quite sure if I got some of the formatting correct or not, even with the help of my brilliant and lovely beta _Anachronistic Anglophile_. Nonetheless, I wanted to give all of you guys a nice little gift for the holidays. Hope you have a great Christmas!

As for other comments, there's a significant time-jump between the first two and second two scenes, in case you're wondering as to how they appear so different.

I welcome any and all reviews, the more thorough the better=). I'm unsure whether to focus on this or Law of Unintended Consequences though...so updates might be a tad complicated.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!


	5. Reunion

**Cursed to Relive**

**Chapter 5**

**Reunion**

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor do I own the Harry Potter Series.**

Lily bit her lip as she stood before the whitewashed door, complete with a small plaque that said 'Petunia Caroline Evans' Room, All Little Sisters KEEP OUT'; the part about 'Little Sisters' had been added after the day of the 'incident', the incident that Lily regretted now more than anything. Petunia's dislike of her was just another one of the changes that had happened since that day, along with her now being home-schooled and her mother always looking at her strangely...

It had been almost two months since her sister had told her that she would never speak to her again, and she had certainly kept her word; she only spoke to Lily now when she had no other choice, such as at the dinner table or when she was made Lily's 'caretaker' for the evening.

It wasn't like Lily could blame her, as she HAD broken the leg of Petunia's 'Mr. Right', but that didn't stop her from wishing that Petunia would speak to her again. She really, truly missed her sister...

This was why Lily was standing in front of her sister's bedroom door, her tiny fist raised to knock on it; it was so that she could talk to Petunia and make her forgive her, refusing to back down until she had regained her elder sister's friendship and love. 'But what if she won't? What if she doesn't want to forgive me? I...I think it was an accident, but what if she doesn't believe me? What if she NEVER forgives me...?'

Lily shuddered at the very thought, terrified that this would only hurt her more. Nevertheless, she knocked anyway; nothing good would ever come from not doing anything, nothing good at all...

"What is it? Mum, is that you?" Petunia's voice came through the door, seeming rather tired.

Nervous, Lily replied with a slight stutter, "N-no, It's me, your sister Lily. Could...could we talk?"

There was no reply, but soon the door opened a crack; Petunia's narrowed eyes appeared through the gap between door and wall, coldly surveying her sister. Scowling, Petunia nodded, still not saying a word.

She was clearly still keeping her promise not to speak to her younger sister.

Lily opened her mouth, then closed it again, not sure what to say. It was even harder in person than it had seemed when she had been planning this out in her room, talking it over with Betsy.

Nearly a minute passed, during which Petunia drummed her fingers on the doorframe, neither her or Lily speaking. Apparently, she had been busy doing her homework, as a pencil was perched on her ear and her desk-light was on. It made Lily feel even more awkward, as she hadn't intended to interrupt her...

"Well!?" Petunia's voice interrupted Lily's thoughts, speaking brusquely. "I don't have all day, so if you have nothing to say..."

"I'm sorry!" Lily burst out suddenly in a wail, surprising even herself. "I didn't mean it! I didn't like Jeremy, but I didn't wanna hurt him like that! I'm sorry, so sorry... Please forgive me, please Tuney..." As Lily spoke the last, she fell to her knees, unable to support her own weight. She couldn't stop herself from crying...

It seemed to have an effect though, as Petunia's face softened and her eyes misted over. She looked away though, putting the bedroom door between her and her sister; this caused Lily to fear that she wouldn't be forgiven, not even after that, so she called up to her. "Please! Please, Tuney!"

"Alright..." Petunia's voice seemed muffled slightly. "I...I'll forgive you, Lily. You are my sister and all, so I'll forgive you," Her voice suddenly turned rather sharp. "But you'd better not do it again! I don't want anymore friends running away from me thanks to my 'freak of a sister', OK!? Jeremy was more than enough, thank you very much!"

Although hurt a little bit by the 'freak' comment, Lily nonetheless responded quickly, "I promise, Tuney, it won't happen again. I'll never hurt anybody with 'it' again, I swear... Just promise me that you'll be my sister again..." Lily whispered the last bit.

Petunia turned back, causing Lily to see the tears making tracks down her own cheeks. Sniffling, she threw her arms around Lily and said, "I promise, Lily. You'll always be my sister. Always..."

Clutching her sister to her, Lily cried tears of happiness.

This was the best day she had had in weeks...

* * *

'Well, today has been quite strange.' Severus mused to himself idly as he watched the sun slowly begin to sink from it's high-point, leaning idly against the wooden door-frame to the practically-ancient grocery store his mother had chosen to visit. 'Good perhaps, but strange.'

It wasn't like Severus had expected his trip with his mother to be a nightmare or anything, but he hadn't expected to really _enjoy _it either; it was just a pair of Knickerbocker Glories between the two of them, bought and eaten at a rather dingy old shop before they went to the store. It had been simplistic, mundane, _boring_...and he had found himself rather content, even mildly happy.

Eileen had taken the time to talk to Severus, talk to him in that strange way she had started doing in the past several weeks; it wasn't anything truly weird, like aliens or whatnot, but she had been asking him questions about...his life. It was stuff like what he was up to when they weren't watching programs together, if he had any friends he wanted to spend time with or if he wanted her to try owling some of her old school chums and see if they could set up a 'play-date'--when he had learned that one of those old school chums was the mother of James Potter, he had immediately vetoed that idea.

Barely paying attention as a strangely-familiar overweight man crossed his field of vision, Severus chuckled in remembrance. At the time, he had actually found himself having to try as hard as he could to keep himself from giving the woman a sharp, stinging retort, yet in hindsight it had been...rather nice. Of course, his mother didn't known that he wasn't really ten years old, in spite of the size of his body; he didn't need to have friends like other boys his age, nor did he intend to go looking for them.

Yet...it had been _pleasing_ to know that she had taken the time to ask him that sort of question, even if it had been rather silly. In neither of his lives had she done such a thing, never bothered him about Lily or his 'friends' at school, unless he asked her first...so why was she doing it now? 'At least it's one thing going right...unlike what's happening between her and Tobias...'

Severus could feel a frown settle onto his face, and he sighed heavily at the thought. He hadn't hoped for much good to come from that _awful_night that his mother had nearly died, not wanting to get ahead of himself...but it had been worse than he had expected, not a lot worse, but worse nonetheless.

It was like now that _that_ had happened, Tobias no longer really had to pretend to care for his wife, beyond that which was expected by law. He wasn't particularly cruel, save for when he got particularly drunk, something which even he always regretted afterward. He just didn't love her, not in the way she seemed convinced he did...

Severus balled a hand into a fist, glaring down at it angrily. This was...pathetic. 'It's almost like it'd be better off if I didn't exist. All I've managed to do is _accelerate_ the death of my parents' marriage. Not that that's particularly surprising, considering how I've never been able to do anything right!' Severus fumed to himself, hating how _every _time that he tried to accomplish something, it was a complete and utter failure.

Suddenly he paused, letting his hands relax again as he calmed himself down 'Well, I guess not _everything_ was a failure. Harry...at least that was something I did right. If it weren't for me, then perhaps...no NOT perhaps, he WOULD have died if it weren't for my actions-'

"Err, what are you doing?"

Severus froze, both mentally and physically, with eyes widening grotesquely. 'That voice... It can't be!'

"I said: what are you doing?" The voice spoke in a mildly exasperated way, one which he recognized even after more years than he cared to remember. Slowly turning, he saw the face of Lily Evans peering curiously down at him as he leaned back against the wall behind him.

Unable to speak in anything more than a whisper, Severus said, "I'm uh...it's nothing, nothing really." It was strange; even though she was only nine, and wasn't the beautiful young woman of his dreams that she had always been in his imagination, Severus found himself rather tongue-tied. Perhaps it was because this was the first time he had seen her in a very long time indeed...if one didn't count the time in the park, which he didn't as he had been too stunned to really think about the fact that he was seeing-

"You looked like you wanted to punch the bloody walls because they had stolen your sunlight. I hardly think that that's 'nothing'," Lily said, an amused giggle audible in her voice. "By the way, I'm Lily Evans. Nice to meet you! What's your name?"

Severus frowned at that. Normally, he would have been irked at how someone was trying to nose into his business, probably giving them a good tongue-lashing for their troubles, but Lily--and his mother to a lesser extent--had always been immune to that for some reason. Still, he was embarrassed to have been caught in the midst of his pondering, so he said coolly, "I believe that that's for me to know...and you not to know. _Please_ don't bother me about it again."

For whatever reason, Lily didn't seem annoyed in the slightest. Her smile only widened as she spoke, her hair seeming to glow in the sunlight, seeming perfectly in harmony with her flower-patterned blouse. "Well, that's rather rude of you, Mr..." She frowned. "...Er, what was your name? You didn't say."

Before he could even stop himself, as he _knew _that telling her was a mistake, Severus replied. "Severus Snape. It's...nice to meet you."

"Severus? That's a strange name. Still, it's nice to meet you too!" Beaming, Lily offered him her hand, which he accepted hesitantly.

"Charmed..."

* * *

"So, your father is one of the millworkers, correct?"

"And is there anything _wrong _with that?" The boy said coldly, giving Lily a hardened sort of look with his perfectly-black eyes. Severus then took a step back and crossed his arms defiantly, seeming as if he were almost daring her to say 'yes'.

Holding out her hands, palms flat, Lily tried to placate him. "No...it's just that my dad...well he works there too, as a foreman, you know? I was wondering if maybe they'd met before..." She mumbled the last bit, glancing once at her trainers, before returning to meet his eyes coolly. "It wasn't like I was trying to insult him or anything!"

The dark-eyed boy's eyes softened slightly, and he mumbled an apology, "I...I fo-didn't know. Sorry..." He paused for a moment, then asked in a quieter tone of voice, "Your dad...how's he doing anyway? I mean, I heard that the mill's in a bit of trouble from my...nevermind, I think he's probably in a different mill..." His voice trailed off for a moment.

"How about your sister?" Severus asked suddenly, dark eyes looking at her intensely. "Are things going well with her? You said something about some...squabbles?" He said the last word in a tone that suggested that he were sucking on vinegar, and his mouth's sneering gave a similar impression. She could hardly blame him, having been telling him about how Petunia had been ignoring her.

Lily smiled at that thought, pleasantly reminded of how she had made up with her sister that morning, and surprised at the thoughtfulness of the boy. She had only mentioned her sister once, when she was trying to get the boy to come out of his shell, yet he had seemed to notice that the two of them had been having a hard time getting along without even asking.

From what she had seen so far, Severus Snape was quite possibly the most ornery boy that Lily had ever had the displeasure to meet...barring perhaps Jeremy Tibbit, and Jeremy had _hated _her. Severus was rude, snappish and generally quarrelsome, to a frankly absurd degree, yet he cared enough to ask her about her sister after only a short, passing comment about the girl.

Smiling, Lily cleared her throat awkwardly. "We're fine, actually. In fact, she's going to take me out for ice cream the day after tomorrow... Don't tell my dad though; he's planning on treating me tonight, so..."

Severus looked at her strangely for a moment, then he seemed to snort, before turning it into a deep, full-bodied albeit-nervous laugh. Smirking, he then said, almost lazily, "Perhaps, but I don't think it will be necessary. What do you think, Mr. Evans?"

Lily turned halfway around, an apology on her lips, before she remembered that the smirking boy had never met her father before and thus wouldn't recognize him to begin with. Putting her hands on her hips, she gave him her best glare, retorting angrily, "That was NOT funny!" However, she could feel her lips quirking into a small grin even as she said this, giving the lie to her furious words. After all, even if the joke had been on her, it had been a very good trick.

"Well, I'm glad to see you find my brand of humor so intriguing, Miss Evans." Although he was in a rather poorly-made, old brown sweater and a set of beat-up trousers, he nevertheless bowed gracefully with perfect, albeit mocking, formality. Lily had to laugh at this; it was almost like watching one of those dogs in sweaters she saw during the winter at the house of that odd family down the stree. It was just so odd that it was humorous.

The boy blushed pink as he laughed with her, although Lily could sense that he was uncomfortable about this. Still, Lily couldn't help the smile playing across her lips as she watched the boy in front of her, him sitting in the shadow cast by the roof overhead.

It seemed that she had been mistaken when she had thought that he was just a rude, angry little boy. Sure, he was rude, and most definitely irksome, but it didn't seem to be out of a desire to be cruel or anything. Really, he seemed more afraid than vicious, although of what Lily could not say. Smiling, Lily said warmly, "Severus, would...would you like to..." She fumbled her words, unsure of what to ask him. "...hang out again sometime?"

He didn't look at her, but Lily could almost feel a sense of surprise as he mumbled his answer, "I'd...like that...?"

Although he seemed to phrase it as a question, Lily couldn't help but feel a sudden outburst of joy, and she had to restrain herself from giving the strange boy a giant hug. It seemed that today _everything_was going right, first Tuney, then this boy...and later there would be ice cream with her father!

Speaking of whom, Lily heard a throat being cleared behind her. Turning around, she saw her father standing there, an almost-warm smile on his rather-pasty face. He spoke kindly, but she could see a look of worry in his eyes as they seemed to fasten on her. "Lily, I'm afraid that we'll have to get going if you want to have ice cream with me tonight. The store closes in just a little bit after all."

After a moment, during which the boy seemed to dim almost perceptibly, Severus nodded slowly. He then said hesitantly, quietly, "Um, it was very nice meeting you, Lily. I guess I'll...see you around...?"

Lily would have answered 'yes' in an instant, but Richard beat her to it. "I think that that would be just fine, Mr...Severus was it? We'll have to schedule it... Unfortunately, Lily and I _need _to get going now." And before Lily could protest, her father had grabbed her by the arm and was starting to lead her away. The boy seemed to be rather crushed by this, and for some reason that made Lily feel positively awful. She felt like she just _had _to do something about it.

Pulling her arm out of her father's, Lily tried to walk back, but he immediately grabbed her by the shoulder. "Dad, what's wrong, why can't I-"

"Lily," Richard spoke quickly, his worried voice interrupting her as he continued to almost drag her to the car. "In case you haven't noticed, the flowers on your shirt are growing. You can call him tomorrow, but for tonight, you've got to get home before somebody sees you." He seemed to pause for a moment, before saying in a much calmer tone of voice, "But if you don't mind staying in the car for a moment, I am going to make sure that I get you some ice cream before we get home. I did promise you after all..."

Although feeling a tad bit of unease as she finally noticed the red and yellow roses on her shirt had somehow turned real, starting to blossom, Lily was cheered up by the thought of having the promised ice cream with her father. She would just have to make sure that she called Severus tomorrow; she couldn't tell him about 'it' yet, but maybe she could apologize for her leaving in a different way? It couldn't hurt, could it?

It wasn't until she went to bed, snuggling deep into the blankets and sheets, that Lily finally remembered that she had forgotten to ask the boy his telephone number.

* * *

'Well, that was just _great_.' Severus thought sarcastically to himself as he watched Lily and her father drive away in the yellow VW Bug of which her father had always been so fond. 'I wouldn't have been surprised if it were Petunia or Marigold acting like that, but Richard...' He growled slightly at the thought.

Mr. Evans had never been particularly outspoken, but Severus had always thought the older man to be rather fond of him; even after he and Lily were no longer on speaking terms, Severus still received a card for Christmas and his birthdays from Richard until the day the Evans family patriarch had passed on. It made it particularly painful that with all the people who didn't want him to be friends with Lily from the beginning, Richard was apparently one of them.

'Well, at least Lily's happy...' Severus tried to console himself, kicking a nearby stone and sending it skittering away as he did so. It did help, knowing that he had at least had some good effect on this...reality; it meant that he had caused some good, even if was just by _not_ being there. Still though, he almost wished that she had been truly miserable without him, as by her being better off without him meant that his whole lifetime with her had been... 'A waste. It was all just a waste.'

Sighing noisily, he then turned and prepared to walk inside the store; he had waited for Eileen to be finished with her shopping long enough, and he really wasn't in the mood to do anything but head home and collapse into his bed. His small surprise, small happiness at seeing Lily again, alive and happy...it had been turned to ashes by the crushing weight of the knowledge that she was far better off without him. 'It's not like I didn't suspect it, but it still hurts.'

Entering the small grocery store, Severus quickly found his mother; it appeared that he had only been a little bit early, as she was already starting to check out, her shopping completed. As such, he knew he would only have to wait a few minutes. Sighing again, he leaned against the door-frame and tried not to think about what had already happened, failing miserably.

'What is really the point if it all?' Severus asked himself despondently as he watched the clerk tally up his mother's purchases. 'I'm not going to make the mistake of causing Lily's death like last time whether I live or not, Lily's clearly happier without me, and my parents' marriage has only _accelerated_ in its collapse since I've returned...'

Indeed, at that moment, the slight happiness that he had felt earlier seemed to have been nothing more than a silly little dream, only serving as a momentary obstacle to the horrible truth...

However, his thoughts were interrupted as a young boy with shaggy brown hair looked at him curiously, then slowly walked up to him. Merely a few feet from Severus, he stopped, giving Severus an odd look before turning to stare at his feet.

'What's _he _want?' thought the former Slytherin suspiciously as the boy simply stood there awkwardly. Even as Severus stared at him incredulously, greatly annoyed at the disruption, the boy simply stood there. 'Why doesn't he just leave me _be_!?' shouted Severus mentally, just wanting to get home and not have to deal with any more _people_ for the rest of the evening.

Finally though, just as Severus was about to stalk away angrily, the boy said in a hesitant whisper, "Err, hi, I'm Steph-"

"Go away." interrupted Severus, his voice flatter than a vinyl record. He didn't have time to deal with this...this foolishness. He had already had far too much trouble for one day; he didn't need to deal with some foolish child's bleating.

The boy looked up at Severus in surprise."But...I was ju-"

"What part of 'Go away' don't you understand, boy!?" thundered Severus, already too annoyed to care much for keeping his 'cover', not that the boy was likely to remember anyway. "Leave me be, you complete and utter IMBECILE!"

Stumbling back, the boy burst into tears, running away as Severus gave him one of his most vicious glares. 'That got rid of him.' thought Severus to himself, ignoring the vague sense of guilt he felt as he stomped angrily over to where his mother had checked out. 'I just wish that people would leave me alone!'

Unfortunately, that seemed the only wish he ever made that came true, just as it had for the last twenty-odd years of his life...

* * *

_"...You're not going to end up in Azkaban. You're too...you're too nice." spoke the small boy, almost ten years of age, red suffusing his face as he almost whispered the last part of his sentence. Unable to look the girl beside him in the eye, he went back to shredding leaves, crouching in such a way that it seemed as if he were about to bolt any second._

_However, the green-eyed redhead beside him only giggled slightly, causing him to relax slowly. "Thanks, Sev, that was very nice of you. I'm glad you think so well of me." She then paused, before saying quietly, a smile on her face, "I think you're nice too."_

_The boy blinked in shock, then slowly started to smile. He opened his mouth to speak, only to be interrupted by the sound of cracking branches and crackling leaves behind him. Whirling around, he saw Petunia sitting there, pink-faced with her mouth slightly ajar. He simply sat there, unable to speak as Lily greeted her sister with a shouted "Tuney!" She had seen him. Petunia Evans had been watching as he told Lily he thought she was nice, special, kind..._

_...and that was alright with him. Lily thought he was nice...so it didn't matter what Petunia Evans thought about him. _

_Nodding as his smile grew slightly, he turned to the blonde girl and said "Hello..."_

_The older man stood there, watching curiously as his younger counterpart allowed Petunia to join him and Lily, wondering what it meant for the future-_

'CRASH!'

Severus woke up from the surprisingly pleasant dream with a start, almost leaping out of bed as the sound of glass shattering echoed through his room. Rushing to the stairwell in his pajamas, Severus saw his mother standing there, peering downstairs with a look of disgust on her face. When he took a peek, he realized that he couldn't blame her; his father had apparently passed out drunk on the sofa, and had knocked over a cup, causing the crashing noise.

"At it again I see, and at twelve o'clock at night too," said Eileen with a voice of exhausted annoyance, muttering to herself in a muted volume that was all but inaudible to the boy standing beside her. "Sometimes I wonder why I still put up with him..."

Shaking her head, the dark-haired woman then stomped downstairs. Muttering curses under her breath as she went, she surprised Severus with her vehemence. Normally, his mother would just give a small smile as she dealt with Tobias, never getting truly angry with him, so even something as small as disgust and annoyance was... 'Strange and unusual. Mother never acted like this before; heck, she never stands up-'

A scene flashed through his mind, with Eileen murmuring that Severus needed his mother's love, causing Severus' eyes to widen in surprise. 'She did stand up to him! But why? It's not like anything important has chan-'

Another scene flitted through his thoughts, his mother giving him a rather warm smile, animatedly describing a scene from her favorite foreign film. 'No, something _has _changed...just like with Lily, just like in my dream! Something's different, better somehow...but why...why is it different?'

Severus didn't know why it was different, but as he watched his mother glare at her fallen husband, he saw something he hadn't seen since before he could remember: a spark of life in his mother's eyes, manifesting itself as anger. 'And it won't go out...'

'...I'll make sure of it...'

**Author's Note: **For those of you wondering why Severus doesn't just grab a wand and make things better...he can't. He may have all the knowledge he could ever need, but he doesn't have anywhere near the magical power he would require until he gets older. At least, that's the way I'm writing it in this story.

Besides, Severus has some important life lessons still to learn, the kind of lessons that a simple bit of magic just cannot do.

This is one of the happier chapters at this point in the fic; trust me when I say that it's going to get a lot darker really fast. Normally I wouldn't post this chapter until I had the next chapter touched up, but since it's Severus' birthday, I decided to make an exception. For those interested, I'm also posting my next chapter of 'Letters From The Dark'.

_This has been Betaed by Anachronistic Anglophile. If you are interested in reading a fic based on the challenge in my profile page btw, check out 'The Dool Tree' by her. It's still in the process of a few touch-ups and a few scenes are yet to be added, but it's really good, albeit SS/HG with a broken-hearted Lily in the end._


	6. Confession

**Cursed to Relive**

**Chapter 6**

**Confession**

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor do I own the Harry Potter Series.**

In the months since his oath to save his mother, Severus had done what he could to keep the spark of life and anger alive in her, fanning the flame of her indignation as best as he could. Perhaps it was to make up for the past in some way; last time he had just watched as she deteriorated--although admittedly he had been just a boy, he still felt guilty. This was despite the fact that he could barely help himself with his own problems, let alone the detached husk of a woman his mother had become.

Now, however, Severus was a grown man with a vast, painful collection of life experiences. Although it was unlikely he could change anything, especially given his record of small successes and devastating failures, the least he could do was try.

He had tried to subtly provoke her into realization of just how awful her husband was, and emphasize how little scum like him deserved her. In doing so, he made use of the same skill-set that had assisted him for all his years as a spy and a double-agent; he didn't go out of his way to let her know, but he dropped hints into his conversations with the woman.

One such instance was when Severus and Eileen were watching the telly together.

...

_"I can't believe that woman puts up with it!" burst out Eileen, glaring angrily at the 'romantic heroine' on the television. The woman on screen cried in her room, and Eileen continued her rant with a snarl. "The man is out on the town all the time, cheats on her like it's nothing, and hits her for Merlin's sake! Who would put up with someone like that? Who?"_

_"Perhaps she thinks that he'll change?" said Severus calmly, playing Devil's advocate as his mother fumed. "Perhaps she thinks that if she waits around, the man she loves will return to her?"_

_"But that's the problem," bit out Eileen, turning an annoyed gaze upon her son. "People like that never change. He doesn't love her, so he'll never change for her. Even if he did change, she'd be better off without him. I just know it!"_

_"Then what should she do?" asked Severus, leaning toward her with burning intensity. "What should she do instead of just sitting there and waiting for an impossibility?"_

_"She should leave him! Dump him like a dog on the street!" said his mother savagely, anger written all over her face. "She should-"_

_The sound of the front door slamming interrupted the conversation, and Tobias' angry voice called "Eileen! Di'ner had best be ready in fiv' minutes, or I'm gonna be bloody annoyed! I had a rough day at the mill today; that twerp from the eastern mill said sumthin' about closin' the place down, downsizin' or some such..." His voice trailed off as he stomped into the living room, shaking his head with irritation._

_Eileen frowned, but immediately started towards the kitchen, a faint "Yes, dear," audible behind her._

_Severus sighed deeply, muttering to himself, "You've already got two out of three from him, Mum: alcoholism and beatings. Do you really want to wait until he completes the set before you do anything about it?"_

_Nonetheless, sounds of Eileen's quiet, dutiful labor soon filled the house as Tobias changed the channel and sat down..._

...

As this instance and others like it seemed to prove, Severus' attempts at subtle provocation proved to be a bit of a dud. Although Eileen seemed to become annoyed with her husband a tad more often, it never seemed enough to cause her to really stand up for herself, let alone get her to leave the foul excuse for a man named Tobias Snape. She frowned more frequently, but generally just did as she was told, just without a smile.

After several attempts, Severus started to take a different approach, trying to be a little bit more direct and confrontational. He used logic, common sense and reason. But, it didn't always work.

...

_"Mother, you shouldn't let hurt you like this! He hit you again, the third time in two months! If the bobbies heard about it, he'd probably be in prison...or something! I'll call them if you won't!" shouted Severus, watching angrily as his mother applied a plaster to her split upper lip, courtesy of her husband from when she had tried to give him a hangover remedy._

_The hangover cure had been a Muggle one of course, what with magic being banned in their household since days that Severus couldn't remember. However, Tobias had flailed about in a rage, swearing that he'd 'never let her bewitch him with one of her cursed spells!'. Perhaps accidentally, he had hit Eileen with his fist during his 'little tantrum', nearly knocking her down the stairs._

_"Severus, stop being childish!" said Eileen in annoyance, finishing with the bandage. "I mean, the bobbies? You're completely out of your gourd if you think this sort of thing warrants calling them! You know as well as I do that it was just an accident! Your father just had too much to drink is all; you know how he gets when he's...like that. He's never violent when he's sober now, is he?"_

_"N...no," Severus admitted, as indeed Tobias had never laid a finger on Eileen when he wasn't drunk. "But he shouldn't be allowed t-"_

_"Severus, don't make something out of nothing with this! Look, I'll talk to your father about this in the morning. Perhaps it might be best if he cuts down on his 'nights out with the guys', or perhaps comes home a bit earlier..." Eileen seemed to grow rather thoughtful. "If only he wouldn't drink so much, then everything would be fine..." She smiled as she said this, her eyes seeming to glisten slightly, now looking at something that wasn't truly there._

_"But...never mind..." Trailing off, Severus walked away, leaving his mother to her foolish fantasy..._

...

Thus, it seemed that logic didn't seem to faze the woman; just like before, she was stuck in the idea that the problem lay with her, that she only had to fix a few things and life would be better again. Whenever Severus confronted her, she would either shrug what he said off, call him childish, or state that her husband loved her and that they were just going through a phase. After nearly three months of this, Severus was starting to lose hope that he could change anything.

And that led to where he was now, stuck inside of his room, falling fast into apathy as his failures mounted.

"This is impossible... No matter what I do, she just won't bloody give up on him. No matter what I do, nothing changes..." whispered Severus aloud, his voice echoing off the walls of his unkempt room. A spider hung lazily in its web before him as Severus lay unmoving on the dusty mattress, staring blankly. "Nothing ever changes..."

It had been several months since Severus had sworn to save his mother. He just wished that there were a way he could do so...

Glancing out his door at the nearby phone, Severus sighed again. He still hadn't received a call from Lily, not after months of waiting and wondering.

So much for wanting to be friends.

So much for anything really...

* * *

Lily sighed, kicking her heels moodily as she glanced out the kitchen window, bored almost to tears at how there was nothing worth doing. She had already played with Betsy, and her schoolwork was done, so now she had nothing to do until her sister got home from school. 'I'd go outside, but I can't without 'supervision'.' Grumbling, Lily spared a glare over at her busy mother, who luckily didn't seem to notice. 'Stupid mothers!'

Ever since the little 'incident' at the store, Marigold Evans had severely curtailed Lily's privileges, not allowing her to go outside without company and sending her to her room if she did 'it' at all. 'Honestly, I'll bet that mum is just being silly about it. Nothing like the 'incident' has happened for months! Besides, it's not like I intend to do stuff... It just happens...'

Suddenly thinking of something, Lily called out to her mother, a most innocent smile plastered on her face, "Mum, I've been real good all week, haven't I?"

Marigold glanced up from where she was fussing over the floor, gaining a rather suspicious look. Nodding, the elder redhead said in a careful tone. "Yes, yes you have, Lily..."

"Well, I was thinking," said Lily while scuffing her shoes on the kitchen tiles, trying to pretend it wasn't super important, even though it really was. "Since I was sooo good, do you think I could go outside now, even though Tuney's not home yet?"

Marigold sighed, shaking her head before returning to her housework, picking up the broom again and sweeping up dirt that Lily couldn't even see. She said in a sad tone of voice, "I'm sorry, but rules are rules. You cannot go outside without proper supervision, and neither your father nor I have the time right now to go out and play with you. Maybe in a couple of hours we can revisit this...or you can ask your sister."

Lily sighed. 'Well, that sure was a waste! I guess I'll have to wait for-' The sound of the front door opening echoed through both the house and Lily's mind. 'Tuney!'

And indeed, the elder Evans sister walked into the kitchen, laying down her backpack with a sigh of relief. "Ugh, that last class seemed to drag on forever. I just want to go up to-"

"Tuney, would you mind going outside to play with me? Mum says that she and dad are too busy, so please!" said Lily in a rush, barely listening to her sister's litany about her day. She had been waiting for hours, waiting for this very moment; she wasn't going to waste one second of time, that was for sure!

Petunia's sigh of relief changed into a groan, and she looked exasperatedly at her sister as she Lily stared back, the younger girl begging with her eyes. "But Lily, I just got home; can't it wait an hour or two?"

"But I haven't had the chance to go outside all day. Come on, it'll only be a short time!" whined Lily, pouting at her sister. "Please!"

Petunia turned pleading eyes upon her mother, but the woman shook her head, saying with an encouraging smile, "Go play with your sister outside, Petunia. It'll be fun, I promise."

"But...never mind," muttered Petunia, glaring at her sister.

Lily was unable to keep from smiling as she led her sister outside.

* * *

_"I th'nk that the two of us shou'd spend some time t'gether, Severus, like a fath'r-son sor' of thing. Yer comin' with me to the Mill tomorro', an' that's final. Got it?"_

At the time, Severus had mainly agreed because...well, Tobias just wouldn't take 'no' for an answer. He wasn't expecting much from the trip of course, figuring that it was nothing more than Tobias attempting to encourage him to be 'manlier', much as he had been for the past year or so.

However...this seemed different somehow.

"Well, Sev'rus, what do ya think?" said Tobias, a raised eyebrow toward his son. Crossing his arms, he continued, "This's my mill. I'm one o' the boys her', just like you'll be in a few years. It's b'st ta get used a feel for it now."

Up until the day that Tobias had died, he had never ceased his attempts to stop his son from pursuing his 'foolish spellcastery fantasies'. Severus had long ago learned to ignore the man's stubbornness on that topic, so he merely nodded in response. Sneering mentally, he mocked the larger man in unspoken words. 'Stupid, dunderheaded Muggle...'

Leading his son further into the steel mill, Tobias pointed out the various sights and other workers within; Severus pretended to pay attention for his father's sake, but really he was contemplating how to get his mother to leave her foul, loathsome husband. 'That day cannot come soon enough for my tastes-'

"Why, hello there! Who might you be, little man?" A kindly, feminine voice interrupted his thoughts. Turning, Severus beheld a short, blond-haired woman grinning at him. She glanced at his father, seeming to compare the two of them before she clasped her hands together, her smile widening, "You must be Tobias' son, you little cutie!" Pointing a finger at herself, the woman chirped, "I'm Joan, Joan Cartwright. I work here with your dad; isn't he the best!"

Severus had to fight a groan; although much younger, better built and blond, the woman's behavior reminded him far too strongly of the Weasley family matriarch, Molly Weasley. This was especially true in regards to his sudden urge to Crucio the woman for her overly-mothering behavior. Scowling at the eager woman, Severus said disdainfully, "My father is _something, _alright... I am Severus Snape. Is that a problem?"

Blinking her large blue eyes stupidly, the woman faltered. "Uh, no...? I just-"

His father broke in, saying warningly, "Severus, don't be rud' to Joan; she's one o' my mo't valued co-workers." He then chuckled, putting a hand on the woman's shoulder as he did so. "Besides, she's real cute, ain' she?"

Joan blushed scarlet. "Quit s-saying things like t-that!"

"Indeed, you shouldn't be saying such things, Mr. Snape, not when there's a young boy nearby," came the disapproving voice of, to Severus' great surprise, Richard Evans. Apparently, he was the mill-inspector his father had been complaining about, as Severus never remembered Lily's father being particularly judgmental. Luckily, the man didn't seem to recognize him, instead glaring disgustedly at Severus' father. "Have you no shame?"

"Ah, pipe down. 's of no concern to ya, you li'l goody-two-shoes! Besides, we are't doin' nothing!" jeered Tobias defiantly, crossing his arms as he glared at the mill-inspector. "Jus' paying the poor gi'l a complimen'! Git back to your inspectin', you little turd!"

Richard seemed about to respond, but the other mill-workers had noticed the confrontation. Shouting angrily in support of their co-worker, they drowned out Richard's remonstrations. Turning around, the portly man strode away, to the cheering of everyone. Apparently, Tobias was well-liked here and Richard...wasn't.

Severus frowned, unable to look away as his father was surrounded by his fellows, who were slapping his back and grinning at him. Tobias looked...energized, excited, as if he were having the time of his life.

The sight of this hurt Severus in a way that he hadn't felt in years. It had been...bearable to believe that his father was an awful man whom no-one liked, that he had only treated his wife and son the way he did because he was just a terrible person. This was living proof that Severus was wrong; his father could be likeable, could be kind, could be...nice. It was just that he couldn't be that way with Severus or his mother.

That thought hurt more than anything else...

* * *

It was another normal day at the Evans family table; mum had made them all a nice batch of Yorkshire Pudding, and Lily's dad was telling their mother all about the trials of work that day.

"...and then the man's got his arm around that blond woman he works with, as if he isn't already married...to someone else! I mean, really!"

"Perhaps it was perfectly innocent, Richard. I know how you dislike the man for how he acts, as well as his 'stupid accent'. Maybe you're judging him too quickly...?" queried Marigold with a frown, an eyebrow raised.

"How to put it…" muttered her husband. Glancing at Lily and Petunia, he then whispered something to their mother.

Her eyes widened, then her lips pressed together grimly. "How dare he...?" muttered the redheaded wife and mother. "Chatting up another woman on factory grounds, no less..."

Meanwhile, the Evans girls were having their own form of daily discussion, Petunia telling Lily all about what happened at school. Although the conversations between the two of them had grown rather strained of late, this time it was rather pleasant for a change. It was a pity as to the topic though...

"...Jeremy seems to have changed his mind a bit," Petunia confided in her sister, a small smile on her face as she spoke. "I think that he might have gotten past...the incident. He's talking to me again and stuff."

Although Lily still didn't care much for the squinty boy, she smiled as she replied, "That sounds nice; are _things _going well with him?"

Petunia's face turned rather rosy, and she could no longer meet her sister's eyes. "Well, he talks to me a bit, and he's promised to introduce me to one of _his _friends. Remember Rosemary? He talks about me meeting her _all _the time, and he just goes on and on about how cool and smart she is..."

"That sounds...nice...?" agreed Lily hesitantly. She remembered Rosemary very much--notably as how her eyes had lingered on Jeremy's. She was about to ask if perhaps that boy and Rosemary were together, when suddenly something her father said caught her ear.

_"Yeah, that Tobias Snape is quite the disgusting bloke; he's got a wife and son and goes around doing something like that..."_

Recognizing the name instantly, Lily bolted upright, knocking her chair to the ground in the process. Almost shouting, she eagerly asked, "_Snape_? Like Severus Snape? Ooh, is Tobias perhaps related to that boy we met a while back? You know, at the grocery store?"

Her father looked at her in puzzlement for a moment, frowning, but then he snapped his fingers. "By Jove, I think you might be right, Lily. I think that he might be the boy's father."

Lily almost squealed with delight. Although he had been so strange, that boy had been very nice to her, and Lily could use a few more friends at the moment..."Then could you find out their address or something? Their phone number perhaps? Please Daddy!"

Richard Evans gave his daughter a level look, then nodded with a smile, causing the ten-year-old to _really _squeal. "Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou..."

As Lily poured out her thanks to her father, who looked rather flummoxed, the water in the Evans family's glasses started bubbling merrily...

* * *

Even as Severus sat in the sitting room of his family home, observing his mother watch her favorite soap with a rigid back, he could tell that something was amiss. In the past few days, there had been a dark tension on the air; Severus was unsure what caused it, but its mere presence set him on alert .

Severus had a suspicion as to what had caused it. To his surprise, Richard Evans had stopped by their house a few days ago, exchanging angry words with Tobias about 'propriety'. Given that the two men had been shouting almost at the top of their lungs, Severus suspected that his mother had probably overheard.

It was rather surprising that she was angry though, at least as angry as she appeared to be. While most women Severus knew would have been downright furious at the very idea that their husbands might have another woman on the side, his mother hadn't ever been like that. She had always simply smiled and told Severus that she trusted her husband loved her, ignoring her son's worries and fears.

This time was different though. For whatever reason, Eileen _was_ furious, and Severus had no intention of wasting the chance that had been bestowed upon him. The only question was how to go about stirring this particular cauldron...

"Oh, my dear, although you did not realize it, I am secretly the man you love...from the future!" said the hero from one of his mother's more...stupid soap operas. Severus rolled his eyes. 'What a pathetic plot. I still find it hard to believe that my mother enjoys this...' He then paused, considering something... 'Wait...there's an idea that could actually work. What if I just flat-out told her that I was from the future? I could tell her what would happen to her if she didn't do something, tell her about the horrible tragedy that did occur in the end…'

Severus considered the idea carefully, then nodded. 'It's probably a waste of effort...but I have met with no real success thus far. Maybe I just have to put it the right way...'

Waiting for Eileen to finish sighing over 'how romantic' the situation was, Severus thought over just how to go about his plan. He tried to ignore the umpteen holes in it for the moment, as he knew that an opportunity like this, with his mother as angry as she was, probably wouldn't be coming around again anytime soon. Generally, she was far too forgiving of her husband for her own good...

The minutes crawled by, Severus' mind whirring constantly, unable to come up with anything particularly clever. In the end, he decided that he had little choice but to improvise, unless he intended to waste the golden opportunity chance had provided.

Swallowing, he spoke hesitantly, "Mum...what would you do if you knew someone who came from the future? To help you or something."

Eileen looked down at him, brow furrowed, then patted Severus on the head. Apparently taking his question seriously, she spoke contemplatively, "Well, I suppose it would depend what they had to say, and if I believed him or her. I mean, how would I know they are from the future?"

'How indeed...? I have no proof, not really...' mused Severus.

Still, he continued, consciously changing his manner of speaking from the childlike one he had been using to the one he had grown accustomed to in his adulthood. His voice grew much more pointed, heated yet emotionless. "The reason I asked is because I am not who you think I am. I am your son, but from nearly thirty years in the future. I have returned to the past to prevent you from suffering a horrible death."

Eileen blinked, apparently thrown by his sudden change in demeanor, from the sullen child of ten to the grown man of thirty-eight. For a moment, she looked confused, but then she started to chuckle. "Very well, Severus, tell me more. What is this death that you sought to save me from?"

Severus, knowing she thought he was joking, then said coldly, bluntly, "You Apparated to France and threw yourself in the Seine River."

A horrible silence filled the room, Eileen's eyes widening in shock. Apparently, the method she had died meant something to the woman. Her voice barely a whisper, she asked tentatively, "The River...Seine? Sev-"

Suddenly, the sound of a door slamming shut interrupted the two of them.

Tobias Snape had returned home.

**Author's Note: **Events are certainly in motion; we're almost to the end of the 'Arrival Arc'. Trust me when I say that it's going to be a bumpy ride, but might just end up with things happier for Severus than they were to begin with.

In case it isn't obvious, Severus forgot that Lily doesn't know his phone number; after all, she knew it for most of his life originally, so why shouldn't she know it now...

For those of you who didn't notice, I replaced the previous chapter with the TRUE previous chapter. (The one there originally was a chapter for my fic 'Letters From The Dark', which I reccomend, btw.)


	7. Shattering

**Cursed to Relive**

**Chapter 7**

**Shattering**

**_Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor do I own the Harry Potter Series or Les Miserables._**

Neither Severus nor his mother said anything after that, but Eileen gave her son a strange look before turning toward the door to greet her husband. Severus was fairly certain that his time-traveling issue would come up again soon, but for now he knew that she had to deal with a wayward husband. Still, she seemed frazzled, the method of her suicide apparently having had some significance to the pale, frightened woman.

"S'rry I'm late; I need'd to have a li'l nip at the pub wit' the boys is all," came the exhausted voice of Tobias Snape. "Joan an' Bob decid'd t' treat us all 'cus that Evans bloke had t' pass us! Mind gettin' the foo' ready?"

Severus could see Eileen's eyes heated, causing the thirty-nine-year-old child to smirk; when Richard stopped by, Joan had been one of the major focuses of the argument. He wondered whether or not Tobias had actually cheated on his mother, as Severus didn't recall any mentions of affairs the last time around. Then again, he had spent nine months each year cloistered in the school, so he simply might not have been aware.

"As a matter of fact, Tobias," said Eileen tersely. "I _do _mind; we need to talk about...your recent actions, _now_!" Noticing that Severus was still standing there, she muttered, "Upstairs would be best for you, I think. No need for young ears...for Severus to hear what we are saying."

Severus feigned bewilderment even as his eyes began to narrow. His secret was best kept from his father, in his opinion, but he wasn't thrilled at the idea of being left out of such an important conversation. After all, if he was nearby, perhaps he could stir the pot at key intervals...

Tobias looked bewildered at first, but soon his eyes narrowed in anger. "Wha' is it? 'm not movin' until you tell meh wha' this is abou'!"

"Tobias, this isn'-"

"No, _here_," said Tobias in a cold tone of voice. "We discus' this here! Now!"

Her lips pressed thinly, Eileen turned to Severus and hissed, "Go to your room, Severus, _now_."

Severus' eyes narrowed further; he did not enjoy being ordered around by anyone, even his mother. Still, she seemed angry enough... Perhaps it would be best to let her release that anger on Tobias instead of him...

Quickly hustling upstairs, Severus pretended to hide in his room, shutting the door just loudly enough to be easily heard but not loudly enough to sound forced--his mother might be able to tell the difference. Creeping back to the top of the stairs, Severus tried to listen.

He couldn't hear what his mother was saying, so he had to go by the brief snippets he heard from his father. From what little he could hear, his mother seemed to be questioning Tobias as to his 'relationship' with Joan Cartwright, but he didn't seem to realize where she was going with it.

However, soon he figured it out, and he started shouting, whereupon Severus had no difficulty in hearing whatsoever.

"How _dare _you accus' meh o' such a t'ing! I've never done nothin', and n'ver will either! I promised you li'l witch, promised that I'd nev'r let me eyes stray!" roared the man, stomping over to his wife as he curled his hands into fists, his drunken eyes looking furious. "I've spen' years o' me life keeping you and yer _freak _of a nancy boy _son_clothed, fed and stuff, sinc' yer family wouldn' take scum like you back. Yeh _ungrateful_,_little bint_!"

"Tobias...!"

"An' you think tha' I'd go aroun' shagging Joan like she's some kind o' slag?" shouted Tobias, grabbing his wife by the collar of her housedress and lifting her up into the air, screaming into her terrified face. "She's not lik' _you_! She's a hundre' times more o' a woman than yeh'll ever be, an' I'd nev'r use her like that! _She _isn' the one who lied to me about bein' a _freak_! _She _isn' the one I've got to spend the rest of me life wit', shackled to her thanks t' _her freak family _and her stupid _lies_!"

"But Tobias..." said Eileen in a voice barely audible to Severus in his hiding-place. She sounded as if she were almost in tears as she spoke, almost choking in Tobias' grip. "I thought...I thought you loved me. That's why we married, right? Because we loved each other..."

"Wha' di' you think would happen!" retorted the man, shaking her brutally. "Yeh lied to me abou' who you w're until I was shackled t' yeh! Yeh aren' the woman I thought yeh were, so why would I love you like tha' woman? I don' love yeh for that, and I haven' loved yeh, not for _years_!"

Apparently realizing that he was shaking her so hard that she might take brain damage from his force, Tobias let her go and sneered at the gasping woman on the floor. "I almos' wish that you wer' dead; then at least I'd be free o' this stupid promise! In fac', why don' yeh get up and die already? World'd be better off without all you _freaks_!"

With one last glare, Tobias grabbed his coat and stormed out of the house, leaving Eileen lying on the floor, unmoving.

* * *

Lily grinned as her father rattled off the Snape family address, a bemused look on his face. _Finally_, she could go and talk to that boy she had met in the grocery store. She was excited; he was the only person she knew who didn't know her as 'that weird, violent Evans girl'. Perhaps she would be able to make friends with someone who wouldn't hate her for something she didn't mean to do.

"Mom, can I go over to the Snape's after dinner?" asked Lily eagerly. "_Please_. I promise that I'll be a really good girl, and not do anything weird at all! And I promised him that we'd play together again, remember, daddy?"

Marigold pursed her lips, glancing at her husband. "I don't know... I can't say I care much for what I've heard of his father. What do you think, Richard?"

Richard Evans crossed his arms, leaning back in his chair with a thoughtful look on his face.

Lily bit her lip, hoping that her father would say 'yes'. It had been quite some time since she had spent time with a friend, let alone a friend that didn't back away from her in fear whenever she got the slightest bit angry...

"Alright," said Richard finally, giving a slow nod. "Lily can go over to this boy's house tonight. However, it will only be for an hour and Petunia will be watching her. I don't trust that Tobias fellow, not one-"

"WHAT!" Petunia exclaimed, turning her full attention to the conversation as it mentioned her name. "But I can't! I already told Jeremy that I'd be going out for ice cream with him and Rosemary. I'm supposed to be leaving in a little over an hour to meet them; I won't have time to babysit Lily!"

Marigold sighed. "Petunia, you know that we have to keep someone watching Lily at all times...but if you don't-"

"But she...I!" The eldest Evans daughter whirled around, searching for help from her father, when her eyes suddenly fell on his glass of still-bubbling water. "AHA! Look at that!" she shouted in triumph. "Lily's done _it _again! She's messing with the water this time! What if she does something over at the Snapes' home? She'd get in a whole mess of trouble! I mean, imagine that father of his finding out..."

Richard eyed his glass as one would a hissing viper. He then turned to his youngest daughter, sighing deeply as he quietly crushed her hopes. "I think that your sister might be right, Lily. If you can't control yourself here, then perhaps it might be best to wait until you can before you go."

Lily panicked, turning to her mother as she spoke, "Mum, please make dad listen! I'll be very good, I will! You know how hard I try... I just can't quite stop it sometimes!"

Marigold shook her head with evident sadness. "Lily, that man, Tobias Snape, could get your father in a lot of trouble if he finds out about...'it'. Your father has already ruffled a few feathers when he went over to the man's house and shouted at him. Really, I think it might be best if you don't go over at all..."

"But..._please_!" begged Lily, starting to sob, but even as she did so the glass beside her exploded.

"Lily," Marigold flinched at the bang, looking at her youngest daughter warily. "I'm afraid that that is not an option... For what it's worth, I'm sorry, but I can't let you go see this boy until you get _some _control over yourself."

"Please..." whispered the redheaded girl.

But their eyes showed no shifting, no sign of mercy...

* * *

Severus frowned darkly as he nibbled on the edges of his toast, looking up the stairs at the closed door to his parents' bedroom. She still hadn't left it, having closed herself up as soon as she had regained her footing the night prior. Severus, not knowing what to do, had simply returned to his room and done the same.

Tobias, after storming out, hadn't returned, which meant that Severus was alone at the base of the stairs where he sat, unmoving.

He hadn't expected his father to say what he did, but it didn't surprise him earlier. In fact, in hindsight it seemed perfectly obvious that the man simply didn't love his wife or son, that he only saw them as a burden. Severus' past hypothesis was now confirmed.

It didn't hurt Severus all that much, as he had grown to realize that neither his mother nor his father loved him. If one didn't expect love, it didn't hurt when it was absent...at least, not much. However, he couldn't blame Eileen for feeling differently, as she had always been so sure of Tobias' love.

Her pain had to be far greater than his own, as she had truly cared about his father.

Severus had barely slept at all afterward, the tension in the air being more nerve-wracking after the argument. He could feel something, a change soon coming, and he knew not whether it would be for good or for ill. He feared that it would break his mother once again, driving her to find the peace in death she had been unable to find in life—and this thought terrified him.

She might not love Severus, but that hardly meant that _he_ couldn't care for _her_.

The door opened, revealing Eileen plodding slowly out of her room and down the stairs as her son watched, his lip curled in disgust. She looked wretched, lifeless, even more shattered wreck than he had seen her in either life. She shuffled listlessly past Severus into the kitchen, only to halt. Severus followed, his eyebrows creasing in worry.

Tears in her eyes, she stared unblinkingly at a single Muggle photograph hanging on the wall in its frame. There were two people smiling inside it: a beautiful young woman, reminiscent in appearance of Severus at age twenty, accompanied by a dashing and broad-shouldered young man. As Severus watched her gaze upon this photograph, he saw the briefest of smiles flash across her face, only to be washed away in a deluge of tears.

Not knowing what he should do, Severus stood behind her, wondering what his mother would do.

Suddenly she spoke, her eyes still trained upon the photo. "What else happened, Severus?"

"What do you mean?" replied Severus, uncertain. "Mother?"

"What else happened in the future, Severus?" whispered the woman, tearing her eyes away from the scene in the picture. "Was your father happy? Was Tobias happy when I...died?"

Severus didn't know quite how to respond, so he simply said, using the same tone he had the night before, "He wasn't happy...but nor was he unhappy when you died... I don't think he really cared, except that he could now bring women home instead of having to go home to his wife..."

He knew that this wouldn't make his mother feel better, but somehow he couldn't bring himself to lie to her. Not about this.

"That's what I thought..." whispered the pale woman contemplatively. "My life means nothing to him, doesn't it?"

Severus nodded.

"Well, if it means nothing to him," said Eileen in a sad, quiet tone of voice, "then maybe it would be best if he never saw me again..."

As Eileen spoke, Severus felt a charge pass through the air. Although he wasn't sure what she would do, perhaps this time things would be different...

* * *

Lily had ended up crying for half the night after the events of the evening prior; it had been awful, discovering where that Severus Snape boy lived only to be forbidden from ever going to see him. It hurt a lot, knowing that he was barely a few miles away, yet forever out of reach.

She had already lost the rest of her friends, she suspected, thanks to that stupid incident with Jeremy Tibbit; she wouldn't allow herself to lose anymore, not if she had anything to say about it.

However, it was starting to look like she wouldn't have a choice in the matter; she had heard her parents talking in the living room the night before, and her father had said that he probably wouldn't allow her anywhere near that place if Tobias was Severus' dad. Her mother had agreed, saying that she didn't want to think of what could happen if that _man_ caught her daughter doing anything unusual...

'It's just so stupid... Something _really _bad only happened once; it's not like it'll happen every time, is it?' thought the young girl bitterly. She was stewing at her bedside table, watching her father pull out of the driveway on the way to work. 'I wish mum would let me go over... I wish I could see _someone_...'

Petunia walked outside, her bag securely under her arm, and Lily saw her smile as she made her way to school. Lily sorely wished that she were her, that she might walk outside without feeling that spark of fear burning in her chest, that _she_ might go out and make friends with someone and not have to worry about the consequences.

As Lily was absorbed in her thoughts, she started to imagine what that Snape boy might be like. Perhaps he would accept her strangeness, maybe he wouldn't mind how weird she was. Maybe her parents were worried about nothing; maybe nothing bad would happen if he found out. 'Maybe I wouldn't be alone if I had a friend who didn't care about my weirdness... Besides, he didn't act strangely when we met...'

Lily started to wonder if that boy had seen her do _it _when they had last met outside the grocery store; had he seen her making the flowers grow and stuff? Maybe he didn't care that she was a freak...

She started to envision the boy, whom she transformed within the confines of her mind into a figure dressed in brilliant white robes who would ride up to her house on a white horse and tell her that she was secretly a magical princess and he had come to take her away to her kingdom. Where exactly that kingdom was, she wasn't certain of course. What if she was missing the chance to find her prince! Her chance might be leaving her even now; she could practically taste its departure!

No, she couldn't let her last bit of hope pass by; she'd make sure to catch it. She would go now and talk to this boy, her shining prince, and see if he could rescue her. Her parents would understand when she explained it to them, especially—this possibility _was _feasible to her mind—if the boy _really_ were a prince.

Donning her favorite pale blue dress, Lily snuck out of the house, leaving through the front door. She would ask her mother for permission...but she didn't think that she would understand until Lily showed her the prince.

Practically skipping as she took her first breath of fresh air in several days, Lily started walking. It was a few miles from her house after all.

She hoped that she'd make a good first impression.

* * *

Eileen Snape sat alone on the couch, having sent Severus away some time ago so that she might have some time to consider the information he'd given her. She still wasn't entirely sure that she believed him, as some things were far too strange even in a world filled with magic. She had never heard of such a thing as a time-traveling feat as this, for even Time-Turners wouldn't allow him to assume the body of his childhood self.

However, it seemed that she was unable to concentrate, her mind filled with whirling images: Severus claiming to be from the future, those few years when she and Tobias had been so deeply in love with her...But there was one scene that ran most frequently through her head: Tobias shouting that she had killed his love, and that he was shackled to her because of the promise he had made...

Eileen stared at the blank television screen before her, anguished tears rolling down her cheeks with infinite slowness. 'Tobias...why? Why couldn't you love me?

She had ruined her life when she married Tobias. She understood this now, long past the point when she had chosen to sacrifice her ancient pureblood heritage to marry a mere Muggle man. Her family had disinherited her when she had refused to break up with that handsome, smiling young lad; they'd warned her that she would regret her choice when she realized what she had done. She couldn't even go back now, as she had borne a child of 'tainted blood', a crime for which they would never forgive her. Without Tobias, she had nothing, and now she didn't even have that...

The image of her husband shouting at her flashed before into her mind once more, and she let out a moan of agony in remembrance.

_"I promised you, li'l witch, I promised that I'd nev'r let me eyes stray!"_

He had promised to always be faithful to her, to keep her safe and to take care of her, yes...but he didn't love her. He didn't even love her son; he just saw them as a duty, a duty to which he was eternally bound.

"Maybe it would be best if I freed him of that duty..." whispered the tall, dark-haired woman. "Maybe he would truly be happier if I were no longer around for him to be shackled to..." An image flashed through her mind, a man drowning in a river in one of her favorite films, and she whimpered, "I wish I were dead..."

A series of loud knocks came from the front door, startling Eileen from her stupor.

Standing up, she slowly plodded over and opened it. A red-haired young girl stood there, red-cheeked and wearing a pretty pastel dress; the girl's eyes were filled with an eagerness that made the older woman feel jealous, as it spoke of youth and prosperity that she would never again possess. She'd having wasted her youth on a man who no longer loved her.

Scowling, Eileen spoke in a frigid tone, "What are you doing here, girl?"

The girl bit her lip, fidgeting before asking timidly, "Is this the Snape family house?"

"Yes," bit out Eileen, not caring for the girl's presence. Trying to get her to leave so that she could get back to her wallowing, she glared at child and spoke in an even colder tone of voice, "Now, explain why you are here and be quick about it! I have far more important things to take care of today, and I have no wish to deal with some strange little girl!"

"I...I'm Lily, Lily Evans, and I was hoping that I could talk with your son," said the girl, almost whispering as she finished her sentence. "Severus."

'Lily Evans... Where do I remember that name from?' wondered Eileen, before remembering her son telling her about the Muggleborn girl who had rejected his friendship... 'But why would she be here then?' Frowning, she then posed a question to the small child, trying her best to hide her growing dislike for the Muggle-spawn.

"Miss...Evans, where do you know my son from?"

Lily fidgeted more, pressing her fingertips together before saying, "I met him at the grocery store, a few months ago. He seemed very...nice."

Eileen's scowl deepened as she recalled that particular day. Severus had been in a truly abominable mood that evening, after they had gone home from the store. Apparently, it was all thanks to this 'Lily Evans' character. She was probably just like Tobias--all nice and sweet until she dug her claws in and ripped the heart and life out of her victim. 'Severus would be much better off without this...girl.'

Glowering at the girl, she resolved that it would be better for Severus if she got rid of her. Lying calmly, she said, "Miss Evans, my son doesn't want to see a freakish little Mudblood like you. He was furious the last time he saw you, told me he never wanted to speak to you agai-"

"But...I told him I'd call him!" interrupted Lily, voice quavering as her eyes widened. "I just...I forgot to ask his ad-"

"Get off my property, you little chit!" shouted Eileen, incensed at the interruption. "Go away and never bother us again!" The girl looked about to protest, when Eileen bent over and yelled in her face, "_Now_!"

Eyes filling rapidly with tears, the small girl backed up and ran away, sobbing.

Eileen sneered in triumph, feeling a little bit better now that she had had the opportunity to vent a little, and at such a worthy target. 'That'll teach her not to harm my son...'

However, she wasn't quite sure what she should do about the current situation with her husband... A part of her still felt like it might be best if she were to throw herself in that river, just like Javert had in that beautiful film, _Les Misrables_...but another, stronger part reminded her that she had a son, a son who badly needed her to take care of him. She couldn't abandon him.

Torn as to her decision, Eileen stood there for several minutes, thinking to herself. She was interrupted however when the front door opened behind her and she heard her son's voice--no, not her son's voice, the voice of the man who was her son--say, "Is there anything wrong? I heard shouting..." He trailed off, uncertain and with a great deal of anxiety audible in his voice. "Are you alright?"

Touched by his worry, Eileen smiled, saying with a small sigh, "I am now."

He nodded, and the two of them stood there for an indeterminate length of time before she finally spoke. She had finally made her decision.

"Severus, pack all your things. We're leaving."

**Author's Note: **Sorry for the evil cliffie; the next chapter will be the end of the arc. A time-skip will occur between that and the next arc. I hope that you enjoy it.

If you're wondering about Lily's little bout of strangeness involving her 'prince', let's just say that desperation added to normal ten-year-old silliness can come up with some pretty strange stuff.

In the case of Eileen...she is Severus' mother after all...

Next chapter should be up relatively quickly.

_Betaed by Anachronistic Anglophile._


	8. Farewell

**Cursed to Relive**

**Chapter 8**

**Farewell**

**_Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor do I own the Harry Potter Series._**

It was rather surprising how fast the two of them had finished the packing, even with the help of magic. In barely an hour, everything that Severus or his mother ever owned had been been shrunken and put into a single, dingy briefcase. Now there was no sign of the two having lived there at all.

In both this life and his 'past life', Severus had lived his whole life in this house, when he wasn't at Hogwarts that is. Now every mark of his existence had been taken away, in less time than one of his mother's movies. Now there was nowhere that would bear his mark, proving that he was real.

That thought made him feel rather depressed, something which puzzled him as he was supposed to be happy that he had gotten his mother away from Tobias, wasn't he? 'Besides, although the situation is...unusual, I've managed to do something right.' thought the boy to himself as he took one last, long look at the place in which he had lived for two lifetimes. 'So why do I feel like...nothing has really changed? At least, not in a meaningful way...'

Eileen, now dressed in a long set of robes and with her hair in a tight bun, swallowed as she stared at the Snape house in Spinner's end as well. "It's hard to believe that we're leaving, isn't it, Severus?" She shivered, although it was certainly not from the cold, with the Summer as warm as it was.

"Indeed." said Severus simply, feeling far older than even a man of his years was supposed to feel.

In a curious tone of voice, she then asked the ten-year-old standing beside her, "Did you ever move from this house, your home? I mean, in your future."

Severus frowned and gave the woman a warning look, but nevertheless he replied calmly, "I never moved. It was unnecessary as I spent most of my time each year elsewhere."

"I see..." Eileen seemed at a loss for words. "What happened to your father?"

Severus shook his head, not bothering to answer. The man had vanished sometime before the end of his seventh year; even now, Severus didn't know if it had been the man finally leaving, or if it had been one of his Death Eater 'friends' giving him a bit of a present. Severus hadn't particularly cared which.

Seeming to realize that he didn't want to talk about it, Eileen sighed, before turning around and walking to the street. They had a great deal of traveling to do, as Apparating wasn't much of an option at Severus' physical age. Curious, Severus followed her and asked, "Do you know where we're going?"

Eileen shook her head, seeming unsure. "I suppose that we'll head to Diagon Alley and decide what to do then. We don't have enough to pay for the Knight Bus, I'm afraid."

Severus nodded, feeling rather relieved at the thought that he wouldn't have to go in that metal monstrosity. Once had been enough.

"Are you feeling alright? About leaving our home, I mean." Eileen suddenly asked him. For whatever reason, she appeared far more nervous about leaving their house than he did. "Because if you are, we'll probably find another one soon enough."

"I'm fine, do not worry."

And it was true; although admittedly Severus felt a little strange about no longer living there, he knew he would be alright. After all, it wasn't like he was truly leaving his home, for he had in actuality left that a long time ago, and would never find his way back.

It had taken him more than half of his life to truly understand that, but he fully agreed with Dumbledore about one thing, if nothing else: home was where the heart was.

His home was simply wherever Lily Evans happened to be.

* * *

Ash...that was all that was left of Lily Evans' dreams...nothing but ash. Her brave attempt to find the prince, doomed before it ever began. He hated her now, surely he did. She had taken too long, and her dream had been ripped away before her very eyes...

Lily grimaced as she looked at the front door of her house from across the street, feeling her soremuscles screaming as sweat soaked her dress. Although she had stopped running a long time ago, it had been a fairly long walk back home, especially after that terrifying woman had chased her away.

It was fitting, she supposed, as she finally looked strange and ugly on both outside and inside. No wonder Severus wasn't interested in being her friend...

'Why...? Why does this sort of thing keep happening to me?' Lily asked herself, panting as she walked up the front steps to her house. 'Why can't I avoid this hurting, control my weirdness...? Why do I have to be some sort of monster?'

"Why c-can't I have any friends?" whispered the girl, pressing her head to the front door as her tears threatened to overwhelm her. "Don't I d-deserve better? It's not fair everyone hates me!"

Opening the front door softly, Lily slipped inside, glad that her father hadn't arrived home yet. Since it had only been a few hours, perhaps her mother hadn't yet gone upstairs and noticed that she was gone.

Entering the living room, she got ready to run silently up the stairs when she suddenly heard the sound of shrieking fill her ears.

"WHERE the bloody HELL have you been, LILY!" Petunia's voice exploded, detonating in the young girl's eardrums. Continuing to shout, she marched over to her sister, hands balled into fists. "Mum called me out of school an hour ago to go running around the neighborhood in search of you! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!"

"I-I...I'm sorry..." whispered the young girl, backing away from the furious blonde. "I just went to that Snape boy's house... I didn't mean...mean anything!"

It didn't help; Petunia was still enraged and she roared hatefully, "Don't you realize how much your _weirdness_ wastes my time! I had to skip out on a lunch date with Jeremy and Rosemary because of you, and you just wanted to hang out with some boy! Thanks a bunch, you _freak_!"

At Petunia's last words, voices seemed to fill her head, cruel and malicious ones; they all seemed bent on her pain...her suffering...her loneliness...

_"...your little freak of a sister..."_

_"SHE'S A MONSTER!..."_

_"Lily's done '__it' _again!..."

_"...freakish little Mudblood like you!..."_

_"Thanks a bunch, you freak!..."_

Even as Petunia continued to shout, tears in her eyes and Lily found herself uable to hear her. It was like a cold, dank fog were obscuring her senses, leaving her an empty void, a mere observer as her sister screamed herself hoarse. The voices from her past were far too loud for her sister to be heard over them.

Why couldn't they stop hating her? Why couldn't they leave her alone? Why couldn't they all just _stop_!

"Lily?" came Petunia's voice, which although angry, sounded somewhat worried. "Are you alright? Lily?"

"_S-stop it_..." whispered Lily, her voice cracking. "Stop it and leave me alone..._Please_." She then slipped down to one knee, barely able to support herself.

An frightened look on her face, Petunia took a step back. Lily couldn't bear to see her sister's terror, nor anyone else's hatred. She just wanted to make that look go away, the voices leave her alone, alone in her pain! 'Make it stop! Make it go away! LEAVE ME ALONE!' She felt a sense of power pouring into her, the power she needed to make her go away, like with Jeremy... It was almost overwhelming.

She resisted though, just barely, until...

"What...what are you doing now, you freak? _What are you doing_!"

Lily could almost feel her last restraint snapping. She gave into the power, reveling in the delicious sensation as Petunia went flying into the china cabinet behind her, with bone-shattering force.

As the sound of shattering glass filled the air, along with the acrid, metallic smell of blood, Lily felt a sense of dawning horror overwhelm her. As she passed out, she fleetingly saw her mother running into the living room.

She noticed that the voices were now silent...and she was alone.

* * *

Tobias Snape frowned as he opened the door to his home; there seemed to be something odd about the interior, and he couldn't quite put his finger on what it was. He felt like a dark cloud hanging over the building had lifted, making way for blessed sunlight. Still, he was apprehensive as he walked inside, leaving his shoes at the front door.

Entering the living room, he blinked as he saw what laid before him; the pictures that had once lined the walls--pictures of the man he had been before Eileen had betrayed him with her witchery--had all vanished, leaving blank spaces behind. He would have suspected a robbery if it weren't for the fact that the things of true value, such as the television and couch, had been left behind.

Peeking into the kitchen, Tobias found a similar situation there: a small amount of food and some items of sentimental value to Eileen taken, leaving everything else untouched. There was no sign of either his wife or son.

Starting to feel a sense of cautious happiness, Tobias bounded up the steps, only to find that the master bedroom had similarly been raided for anything of Eileen or Severus'. It seemed that any mark of their blighted existence had been stripped from the place, leaving naught but memories.

There was a single letter on the nightstand, where before his wife had kept pictures of them, pictures from before she had anchored herself to him. The letter read, tears streaking the paper:

_Dear Tobias Snape,_

_We once loved each other, you know. I'm quite sure of that, so it...it really hurts that it has come to this. It appears that you would prefer that I were dead to being your wife. Why did it have to be this way, Tobias? Did you really hate magic so much, or was it just me? That is a question I will always wonder..._

_Have you ever wondered what it might be like for us, had you truly given me a chance after our wedding? What might have happened if you and I had stayed the way we were beforehand? Would you have perhaps loved me had I told you I was a witch before our marriage?_

_I knew that I should have told you, but I was scared that you would hate me, that you would never forgive me. I never meant to harm you in any way, Tobias and I would have begged for your forgiveness, had you only told me what was wrong. I honestly thought that it was just a annoyed phase that you were going through, not something that would last more than a decade._

_Still, what's done is done, and you have helped me realize that it is far too late for us._

_As such, I am leaving you and taking Severus with me. If it pleases you, you may keep everything but what Severus and I need to survive, as well as whatever memories I wanted to bring--I suppose that you would not care overmuch about those._

_It's a shame, as I think that you really could have been a very good man. After all, even if you didn't love me, you made sure that there was food on the table, shelter and a general place that we could call home._

_I just wish that you had realized that I didn't want only the letter of..._

Tobias didn't bother to read more, not particularly interested anything else Eileen had said. All that mattered was the fact that she was finally leaving...

Although it was rather inappropriate, Tobias couldn't stop himself from smiling at those words. Finally he could get on with his life, not chained to someone he didn't want. Finally, he could be _free_...free to find someone he truly loved, free to do what _he _wanted to do with his life... It was a thought blessed beyond compare.

Still, even as Tobias ordered take-out to celebrate, he spared a few thoughts to his wife and child. Contrary to appearances, he didn't truly hate his son, and he had once loved Eileen. He just didn't want to be tied to them, like blocks of iron dragging him down to the depths of the river. As such, before he left the house, he pictured the two of them sitting on the couch one last time and gave his dreamed-up visions of them a single salute.

He hoped for their sakes that things wouldn't go so badly for them.

**Author's Note: **Some of you have asked me whether or not this will be a happy story or have a happy ending (At least for Severus and/or Lily). In regards to pairings, I cannot say...at this time at least, but one thing that is important to understand is the theme of the story: _The worst nightmares and cages are frequently those within our own minds_.

Regardless of who ends up with who, Severus has a _lot _of issues to work through. In some ways, even though he is DEFINITELY not going to be a Death Eater in this 'reality', he is a more difficult sell for a romantic partner than he was before. After all, he has taken self-loathing, bitterness and avoiding any form of attachments to art forms.

However, he has been given a second chance, inside of which he might just be able to heal.

As for other things, the next chapter takes place after a rather significant time-skip, and might be some time in coming. Sorry about that.

Also, I have come up with a new challenge for those interested:

**_The Juxtaposed Challenge: How would the Marauders Era have turned out if Dumbledore had been a Slytherin?_**

Rules:

#1: Dumbledore is relatively similar to canon, but with more obvious Slytherin principles and generally supportive of those from that house (Think of how most of the Order seemed to be Gryffindor-based in canon; it's the same way, but with Slytherins instead).

#2: Voldemort, instead of crafting an army based around Slytherin principles, notices the frequent disconnect between Dumbledore and the non-Slytherin students. As such, his army becomes a crusade against the 'evil Ministry' and the corrupt families they support and are supported by (In particular, the Slytherin ones).

#3: Similar to in canon, the students of the era are caught in the middle. Those of Gryffindor are generally supportive of Lord Voldemort's dream, with Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff being rather neutral in the conflict albeit supporting their typical school allies (Gryffindor), and the Slytherins generally disliked by all.

#4: Apart from not being in favor of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, and there being no Blood-purity craze, the Slytherins are pretty much the same in canon. The Gryffindors aren't evil per se, they just think that the destruction of the Ministry and suffering of the Slytherins is pretty much a good thing. After all, the worst things imaginable can happen with the best of intentions.

#5: Try to show just how dark Gryffindor can go when faith and unity turns to fanaticism. Lily is caught in the middle of this, and her Gryffindor-character is frequently tempted by her own desire to follow the herd. Meanwhile, Severus plays very much the one trying to choose reason over determination.

#6: You may start at any point between the start of Severus' Hogwarts years to the end of Harry's. Remember, much like in canon, Voldemort doesn't show his true colors up until after Severus' Hogwarts years.

**Optional Bonus Point Rules:**

#1: Lily is forced to undergo a similar test to canon-Severus, having to choose between her wish to join in the 'righteous crusade' and her desire to keep Severus as a friend.

#2: Severus ends up one of the leaders of the 'good guys' for his generation, because of one of the most ancient of reasons: no-one else is willing to do it. Also, in some ways, Severus becomes Dumbledore's personal prodigy, sort of like what Harry is in canon.

#3: Pairings are up to you, although I would definitely enjoy seeing a reversal of the canon situation between Severus and Lily, with Lily trying to be the one to get Severus and Severus unsure about whether he can continue supporting Lily as she seems to be pulled farther and farther into Voldemort's mad crusade. If you prefer, you may set up Severus with an OC or non-Lily canon Character.

**_Message me if/when you post something based on this challenge, as I would love to read it!_**


	9. Hogwarts

**Cursed to Relive**

**Chapter 9**

**Hogwarts**

**_Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor do I own the Harry Potter Series._**

"Be careful, Lily. Don't get too far ahead of us!" called out the worried voice of Marigold Evans as Lily went charging into King's Cross Station. It was promptly ignored by the eleven-year-old girl in her eagerness to reach the Hogwarts Express. That McGonagall lady had told her about the train during her visit, and she was excited to see it. Would it be like a normal train, yellow with maroon livery and shiny as a tomato? Or would it be strange, with a zebra-crossing patterns and streaks of orange splattered all over it? Ooh, she could hardly wait!

To Lily Evans, it seemed as if finally her day had come, her day to shine brightly. Sure, she hadn't had much in the way of friends--'_Muggle _friends' she reminded herself--but Hogwarts was a new opportunity to rise out of the muck and ashes. She could make tons of new friends, magical ones at that, and she would be the best new student that they had ever seen. Her parents would be so proud of her.

A grin alighting her face, she hurtled toward where the barrier between platforms nine and ten was located. She couldn't wait to arrive, meet other kids who were just like her; they would be so impressed with her and how much she was like them...although she was a bit nervous with how she had only had a few months to get used to the idea... 'Stop worrying about that, Lily.' the small girl scolded herself. 'You worked hard, and you're really ready for it! They'll all love you once they get used to you.'

Seeing the barrier, Lily remembered the instructions Professor McGonagall had given her for getting onto Platform Nine and Three-Quarters. Grabbing her trunk, she took a deep breath and started to run as quickly as she could at the barrier, closing her eyes and trying to ignore the fear of crashing into the awfully solid-appearing metal barrier.

"Wait, Lily, STOP!" came her mother's shout from behind her, causing Lily to skid to a halt mere inches in front of the barrier.

"Wha... What is it, mom?" asked Lily, frazzled. The barrier looked _really_ solid from this close.

"Don't you want to say goodbye to your father and I?" asked Marigold, a small frown on her face as she stood there, Richard huffing and puffing beside her. Chasing his daughters around had grown a bit difficult for the man over the past couple years, and this was no exception. "I mean, this is the last moment we can talk privately..."

Lily nodded quickly, feeling quite guilty. She hadn't meant to imply that she wanted to leave without saying goodbye. "Sorry, Mum, Dad. I was just so eager..."

Richard gave Lily a worried look, then asked in a quiet voice, "Lily, I know that it's for the best that you are among others of your kind, but I hope that you don't forget your family. Are you alright with not seeing us until at least Christmas? If you aren't, we can head home right now... Are _you _feeling alright now?"

As her father looked at her with great concern, mixed with that small amount of fear that never seemed to go away, Lily felt a image flash through her mind: her sis-no, Petunia, saying goodbye as demanded by Marigold, perfectly polite but with no emotion in her voice.

_"Good-bye, Lily Evans. I hope that you enjoy your time at Hogwarts. Make sure you aren't sent home."_

Smiling, Lily shook her head as she said in a winsome tone of voice, "Don't worry, Dad, I'm sure everything will be fine. I'll miss you a bit, but I'll be good."

_"Personally, I wouldn't mind if you stayed there all the time..."_

"I'll always be good..."

* * *

'Huh, not really what I thought it would be. Guess there aren't any devil portals like Petunia said after all...'

Surprisingly, in spite of the fact that Platform nine-and-three-quarters was a platform leading to a magical school, it wasn't _that _much different from a normal train platform. Sure, many of the people there were clearly dressed in non-Muggle clothing (and poorly at that), but they all seemed to be talking about the same sort of things that she remembered her parents conversing with her sister about when she went into that boarding school of hers.

Still, it was incredible to Lily Evans...but it was rather lonely, as her parents hadn't been able to follow her onto the platform, and she had yet to make any new friends. Watching all of her fellow students getting on the train, most chattering away with some sort of friend or relative, Lily felt very lonely indeed. Still she remained upbeat. '...and I'd best get on with making friends I think. I'll start with...that one!'

Pasting a warm smile on her face, Lily walked over to a solitary girl who was heaving her trunk onto the train with a loud grunting noise, having apparently packed too much. She was somewhat short, even for their age, had long locks of somewhat-unruly brown hair and wore a pretty pale-blue sundress. Her face was one that looked as if it should have been a warm one, but that was belied by her cold brown eyes and the determined set to her jaw. In Lily's opinion, the girl seemed as if she were prepared to go to war rather than school.

Still, Lily felt that talking to her might be worth a shot. As such, she piped up, saying, "Hello, my name is Lily Evans. Pleased to meet you!"

Unfortunately, this caused the girl to jump almost a foot in the air, as Lily had said this from almost right behind her. Turning and staring right at Lily, the girl bit out, "Don't sneak up on me like that again; I nearly cracked my head on the ceiling when you did that...Lily was it?"

"Yeah, it's Lily, and I'm sorry about that. I'm just really excited about Hogwarts is all; I didn't mean to frighten you like that." said Lily apologetically, ducking her head in contrition. The girl still seemed a bit wary of her though, something Lily could hardly blame her for. Trying to find some way to lighten the mood, Lily's eyes fell upon the girl's luggage. "Err...need a hand with your trunk?"

Luckily, this seemed to be just the thing to say, as the suspicion fled from the brunette's face, and she slowly nodded. "Right, that'd be a big help...just don't do that again, alright?" At Lily's quick nod, the girl offered her hand and said with a smirk, "I'm Mary MacDonald by the way, nice to meet you."

Lily accepted the hand and gave it a firm shake. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mary. Now how about we get this trunk put away?"

"Sure."

Working together it was much easier to move Mary's trunk, so the two girls soon made their way to a half-filled compartment, currently occupied by two dark-haired boys of about their ages. Both boys were dressed in expensive-but-poorly-put-together Muggle clothing, one wearing glasses as well. Neither seemed to care that they had entered, although the one with glasses gave them a quick look before returning to staring out the window.

Lily gave each of them a speculative look before returning her attention to Mary, who had already shoved her trunk into an overhead compartment and was now slouching in her seat. "So...I'm from Little Whinging and have an older sister, Petunia. I like to play with dolls and I've been studying really hard so that I'm ready for classes here. How about you?"

Mary raised her eyebrows, but shrugged as she said, "Well, I'm from London, outskirts, and I'm an only child. I studied a bit, but the books were pretty dull considering they were about Magic. My parents were pretty strict though in making sure I worked hard on it. Wish it was more...practical though. I may be a Muggleborn, but that doesn't mean that all magic is interesting magic."

"Muggleborn? What's that?" responded Lily, confused.

The boy with glasses interrupted, rolling his eyes as he did so. "That means that both your parents were Muggles, in case it isn't obvious. I'm James Potter by the way."

"Thanks, I'm Lily Evans. It's nice to meet you too." Lily said with a nod and a forced, bright smile. "Is it a bad thing, to be a Muggleborn?"

James shrugged, a mischievous smirk on his face. "Only among certain people, mostly Slytherins. Smart people know that it means nothing, but stupid people...eh, who cares about them?"

Lily forced a smile, but looked away quickly, fear starting to pulse through her. What if her being a Muggleborn made her just like she had been before Hogwarts? What if she was still a _freak_, even here?  


* * *

_"Severus, I made sure that you have plenty of books of your actual level. Just make sure that you charm them to seem like something else, 'Hogwarts: A History' perhaps. Also be sure not to tell anyone your secret," said Eileen with a small smile, shrinking a small pile of books until they could fit comfortably into an area not much bigger than a wallet._

_"Mother, there is no need to worry. I know how to hide things from silly children just fine." replied Severus exaperatedly, shaking his head with a sigh_

_"Still Severus, you can't be too careful..." said Eileen quietly, her gaze falling on the battered trunk that her son was busily packing. "I don't want anything to happen to you, so don't be foolish."_

_"Stop being silly, Mother." said Severus in an annoyed growl. "I will be perfectly fine. I have plenty of experience in such things."_

_As Severus carefully packed his trunk, warding it as securely as he could in case people tried to mess with it, his mother did her best to assist him. Although he hated the imposition on his personal independence, one of many Eileen had tried to bother him with since the two of them had moved out, he didn't quite have the resolve to force her out of his room, at least not right then._

_"I don't know whether or not that's true, but just be careful, Severus."_

_"Very well." _

Severus sat quietly in the compartment he was using, ignoring the chatter of the children around him as he ruminated over what his mother had said before they left for King's Cross. He had little else to do, as he had already stowed his trunk, and he had no desire to draw annoying attention to himself by reading the books his mother had packed...especially since he couldn't make use of the spells found in them anyway.

Although it had been more than a year since she had started acting this way, Severus still hated seeing the woman fuss over him so. Even though Eileen _knew _he was a ruddy adult, she _persisted _in treating him like the child he 'was' in form. Also, the fact that she shared one of his two deepest secrets--his sort-of-reincarnation--made him uncomfortable. It had been necessary to tell her, but it didn't mean that he had to like it.

'Besides, I've spent years deceiving the Dark Lord and every member of both the Order of the Phoenix and the Death Eaters; in comparison to that, keeping such an outlandish secret from my fellow classmates should be quite easy, not that I'm going to be any less careful than I normally would...' mused Severus to himself, carefully keeping his face expressionless and doing his best to avoid notice.

Luckily, that didn't seem to be a major concern. Two of his three seatmates, both girls (one older and one Severus' age), were busily conversing about 'how excited they were', so he hoped that that would keep them from bothering him. Meanwhile, the other boy was furtively watching the younger girl, to which she seemed blissfully oblivious. He remembered them all vaguely, but it had been so long since he had been a student that he couldn't remember much apart from the main players, such as Lily, the Marauders...and his former Slytherin friends. Frankly, he hoped that he could avoid all of them throughout his time at Hogwarts, as it would make things so much...simpler.

However, much to his annoyance, his introspection was interrupted by the older girl tapping him on the knee and asking in a cheerful tone, "So, who are you, Stony-Face? You haven't said one word the whole time, so how's it going?"

Severus allowed his eyes to narrow into one of his most devastating glares, relishing how the girl backed quickly away from him while he said in a frigid tone, "What's up is that I have no interest in talking to you. Leave me alone."

An awkward silence fell upon the compartment, and after giving another glare to his compartment-mates, Severus was about to return to his contemplative brooding when the other girl spoke up. "You know, that wasn't very nice of you. She was just trying to talk to you. No need to be a prat."

Severus let his gaze fall upon the younger of the two girls, a tallish blonde with a bit of a pug nose. Wearing a blue blouse and nice trousers, Severus was fairly certain that she had some Muggle heritage, since her dress wasn't an embarrassment to behold. After a few moments of thought, debating whether it was worth a response or not, Severus mentally shrugged and replied, "I'm not interested in talking to her, that's all. It's not like we're friends or want to be friends, so why bother being polite?"

The girl seemed to think it over for a moment, then grinned. "And, hypothetically speaking, if I wanted to be friends with you, what would you say?"

Severus shook his head to mask an amused smirk. Still, he kept his amusement out of his voice as he replied simply, "Then I would _politely _point out that I am not someone you would want to be your friend, and I'm still not interested in talking right now, so please leave me alone."

His words had the hoped-for effect; the girls merely looked at him with expressions of pity and irritation and resumed their own courses, unaffected by his ambivalence. They left Severus well alone, just as much as Severus desired.

* * *

Lily sighed in relief as she made her way to the entrance hall; James had been very nice to her, but she was still far too worried about what she had learned about Muggleborns. She had spent the past two years shut in her house because of her strangeness, especially after she had nearly killed Petunia. She did _not_ want to have that happen again, so how was she going to make sure it didn't?

Meanwhile, Mary was looking at her in confusion, but she didn't say anything. Lily couldn't explain her worries to the girl, since the other girl was just too confident and proud for Lily to admit her fears to her, even if they had just become friends. Even if she could admit them to her, how would Mary understand?

She looked around, wondering if there were Muggleborns other than Mary and herself and if she could spot them. She'd like to have another fellow Muggleborn as a friend, if she could. But who was Muggleborn and who wasn't? The girl with the bird on her shoulder? No, probably not; she seemed to be talking to the bird and feeding it bits of pumpkin pasty like she'd tamed it magically. What about the red-faced boy who was talking in the loud voice, saying 'blimey!' this and 'blow me!' that? When she heard him utter a stream of even more profane things, however, and saw how everyone nudged away from him, she knew she didn't want to be his friend. She wanted to be the friend of someone everyone _liked_. She wanted to _belong. _

And from the looks of it, she didn't seem to belong. Everyone, it seemed to her, had gone off with their friends. Even Mary had been dragged off by the second dark-haired boy on the train by this point, leaving her alone.

She was beginning to feel rather out of sorts when her eyes suddenly widened: that over there, that was the profile of that boy she'd met at the supermarket! Severus Snape! She'd recognize that raggamuffin stock of black hair and his pretentiously arched nose anywhere. It never really occurred to her to question WHY he was there. She supposed, if it could happen to her, why, of course it could happen to him! And it was most marvelous that it had happened, especially considering how nasty their parents mutually were, keeping them in the house all the time and not allowing friends to come over...

Severus was gone in a moment as the mass of squirming prepubescent bodies around her shuffled, but Lily felt immediately happier to know that he'd be around. Diving under smelly armpits and nervous chatter, she flung herself after him, desperate to say hello after so long. She'd forgotten that they really hadn't had much interaction before in her gladness to see him again.

He stopped at the fringe of the commotion, aloof even in such a variety of company, and this gave Lily the perfect edge. It seemed like he was her kindred spirit--alone

"Hello!" she greeted warmly as she escaped from the hubbub, and was thrilled when he noticed her.

"Well," he replied gruffly, his eyes regarding her with what resembled suspicion, "this is a surprise."

"A good one, I hope," she replied, and approached him without pause. "I'm Lily, remember?" she prompted, "and you're Severus."

"I know _that,_" he said, sounding a little irritated, but she could detect a faint note of pleasure nonetheless. However, he soon turned his gaze to the floor, no longer looking at her. "I'm just surprised..." He trailed off, shaking his head.

"So you're a wizard, right?" she continued, trying to make conversation. It was harder than she'd imagined, if only because she'd planned conversations with him for at home, never conceiving that he might ever show up _there_, at _Hogwarts! _"I'm a witch, you know," she added when he didn't answer, starting to feel nervous due to his lack of response. "I'm just so happy to be here. So happy. Say," she pressed, trying to steal his attention away from the floor where it had fallen, "what do you think of my hair-ribbon?"

"It's white," Severus replied with an odd tone as he returned to his gaze to _her_, looking at it skeptically. "Silk, I suspect?"

"Not just plain old _Muggle_ silk," Lily said, proud as a puppy who'd trashed the lawn with holes and ended up with her bone, "it's African Anzazzi silk."

"You mean _Anazi_, probably," Severus corrected, sounding amused at her enthusiasm. He had the faintest of smiles on his stoic face.

"That's what I _said!_" Lily replied quietly, with some embarrassment.

"I'm well acquainted with it," Severus continued, smoothing over her mistake without comment. "Excellent for cosmetic potions, particularly creams for the skin." He squinted at her, eyes glancing up and down her face. "Not that you need any," he added, ducking his head even as she started to blush from the compliment.

"Oh!" Lily put one hand over the pretty thing as if to shield it playfully. "Don't chop this up and add it to a potion, please! I mean, if it were just any old ribbon--if it _was _of just plain old Azazzazi--it'd be right as rain to experiment with it."

"I'd have no need for it," Severus said with a shrug, "commercial hair-ribbons dilute the properties of the silk and pollute the substance with other properties."

Lily was impressed. "You talk like you're from a book," she expressed with awe.

Severus shrugged again--a gesture Lily took to be a favorite of his-- even as a very slight pink tinge was forming on his cheeks. "So, what's special about your ribbon, anyway?"

"It's magical!" she said, excited to display her new acquisition and thrilled at how he was now watching her closely. "I got it in the...the Alley place when my parents took me. When I get sorted, it'll magically change color for whatever house I get sorted to when I say a certain charm and tap it with my wand!"

"That's...a clever little toy," Severus said in a guarded tone, his eyes looking at her strangely.

Lily started wondering why he wasn't as ecstatic to see her as she was to see him. Maybe he didn't want to see her. Maybe...maybe he'd noticed the flowers dancing on her shirt that day and had been freaked out and told his mum he didn't want to see her, and maybe...oh, _maybe_ he didn't like her because she was a _Muggleborn_. However, she didn't have time to say anything else, for soon Professor McGonagall spoke in her usual clipped tones, "Line up, single file, alphabetical order. Quickly if you please; we're running a little late. No time for the song I'm afraid."

With nothing to say, Lily quickly took her place near the front of the line, disappointed that Severus Snape was condemned to the back of the line. Still, she hadn't time to think about this for more than a fleeting moment, as they were swiftly ushered into the Great Hall. It proved to be well deserving of the name, possessing four gigantic wooden tables capable of seeting hundreds of students between them, overlooked by the Teacher's table which rested atop a short flight of stone steps. And the ceiling! Lily couldn't help but stare at awe at how the rain fell from the sky from overhead, something would have made her believe they were outdoors if it weren't for the complete lack of water. It was just like _Hogwarts: A History _said it would be!

However, that feeling of excitement faded as swiftly as a rain puddle in a hot summer's day when she saw how everyone seated in the hall was staring at them, observing them, _judging _them. Although it was warm inside the old castle, Lily couldn't help but feel a definite chill as she watched all of the older boys and girls gazing at them like she imagined a wolf would a young doe. She was starting to feel very nervous indeed.

Luckily, she didn't have much time to dwell on her fears, as Professor McGonagall soon called out, "Evans, Lily!"

Swallowing, Lily walked over to the stool, on which was placed a single, ancient hat...

* * *

_"SLYTHERIN!"  
_

Severus felt his jaw drop in complete and utter amazement, something that hadn't occurred in _decades_, when he heard the Sorting Hat cry out Lily's house. For a moment, he felt sure that he just _had _to be dreaming, for although he had always known that Lily would have made a good Slytherin...she was the quintessential Gryffindor at heart. 'So how can this be...? Why have things changed?'

Then rational thought left Severus completely, as he realized just what this would mean for him. It meant that when he was sorted into Slytherin, like last time, he would be stuck spending seven _years_ with Lily _and _his former Slytherin friends in the same house as him! He knew all too well he wouldn't be able to resist trying to befriend her, fool that he was, and then things would occur just the same way as before. It would be like last time, only worse as this time he would have to watch Lily abandon him again from the very same Common Room.

Even worse, he would have to be among the same people he had befriended, only to later betray; while changing sides had proven long ago to be the right thing to do, it didn't mean that Severus had never felt remorse or regret when he sold his former friends out to Dumbledore. Being there with them again would be a torment beyond words, as these were people who had befriended him when he was at his worst, even if it was to make him join an evil man's twisted dreams. Mulciber, Avery, Nott...they had once been his friends, his only friends after Lily had left him. There had to be something he could do to escape this horror before it consumed him, _something_!

"Snape, Severus!" shouted Professor McGonagall, causing Severus' eyes to widen; he had forgotten that he still had to be sorted, too engrossed in his thoughts to pay attention to the names she was calling out.

Stumbling slightly, Severus walked towards the Sorting Hat in a daze. Putting the aged hat onto his head, Severus could only stare at the Slytherin table in horror before the sight was obscured by the hat's brim. Immediately, it began to speak, "Hmm, interesting, very interesting...another strange one, eh? This could be a hard decision, yes indeed... There's plenty of courage there...when it comes to physical danger at least, a clever mind as well. But there's cunning...a great deal of cunning and cleverness! Not much ambition in there, although you once possessed it in abundance. You would do very well in Slytherin though..." The Sorting hat then paused, seeming to consider, luckily not speaking loud enough for anyone to hear. "However-"

Severus' eyes then popped open as a thought came to him, so obvious in retrospect that he could cry. He didn't have to be a Slytherin this time around! Hoping mightily that Dumbledore had been correct when he implied that he would have been better off in another house, he pleaded with the hat, mentally falling onto his knees as he begged, 'Don't put me in Slytherin, please! Anywhere but there!'

"Eh? You don't want to go to Slytherin? That's a shame; you probably would have done pretty well there." said the hat with what sounded like a mental shrug. "It doesn't matter much though, as with your incredible loyalty and willingness for hard work, the house I will put you into is..."

'Loyalty? Hard work?' Severus thought to himself with a sudden feeling of apprehension. 'That cannot be. Those are the qualities of...'

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

**Author's Note: **I'll bet that Severus' house was a bit of a shock for you, but we felt after a great deal of thought that Severus would probably still prefer to stay as far away from Lily as possible and except for maybe Slytherin, Hufflepuff's probably the closest house to him after his death--he may be smart, but he isn't interested in theoretical knowledge like a Ravenclaw, while he still has absolutely no respect for Gryffindor.

That, and who has ever seen a Huffly-puffly Sevvikins? (Joking aside, I honestly think that, except for maybe Slytherin, it's the most likely house for him post-Death if he turned out like my Severus.)

As for Lily's placement...you're free to speculate.

**A lot of people have been asking how various fics are going/when I will be updating, so here is a list of fics and progress:**

**Cursed to Relive Chapter 9: Surprisingly it's done!**

**Cursed to Relive Chapter 10: Not started yet.**

**Letters From The Dark Chapter 5: 5% done**

**Law of Unintended Consequences Chapter 57: 80% Done**

**Ex Intempestivo Pax Chapter 14: At one point I was planning on discontinuing it, but you guys showed so much support that I'm looking through it again.**

**What If? Missing Moments and Studying Sunspots: Whenever I come up with an interesting idea, I'll write it.**

_This was Betaed by the Anachronistic Anglophile--Enemy of all 'What's up's' everywhere._


	10. Houses

**Cursed to Relive**

**Chapter 10**

**Houses**

**_Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor do I own the Harry Potter Series._**

Severus spent the entire welcoming feast in a daze, not even noticing the Hufflepuffs around him as they tried to draw him into conversation. While he hadn't been thinking clearly when he had made his demands of the Sorting Hat, thanks to his extreme levels of panic at the thought of being so close to both Lily _and _the Slytherins, he hadn't expected to go into _Hufflepuff_.

Really, he had been expecting to go into Ravenclaw or Gryffindor... On second thought, avoiding Gryffindor had probably been a good thing. While he had no intention of trying to rebuild the old rivalry unless he had no other choice--the Marauders were frankly just too good at making his life miserable--the idea of having to live in the same bloody _dormitory _as James Potter and Sirius Black made him want to claw his eyes out.

Still, Ravenclaw had always been his second choice after Slytherin, being the house of the clever and intellectual, so why the hell was he in _Hufflepuff_? They spent their whole time at Hogwarts working themselves to the bone just to scrape by, morons of the highest order as a rule, so why was he with_ them_!

"Come on...Severus, was it?" came a kind, female voice from behind him, interrupting his thoughts. Turning, Severus saw a tall, dark-haired girl standing there, one of the Hufflepuff prefects most likely. "We're going to take all our first years down to the Hufflepuff common room. Would you like to come with?"

Severus considered saying 'no', but in the end shrugged and followed. He was required go, of course, despite the girl's gentle request, but frankly he was getting rather tired of all the commotion. Perhaps he might find some peace and quiet once they showed him to his room.

From what he recalled from his few times in the Hufflepuff Common Room and Dormitories, always in his role as Potions Professor or Headmaster, the rooms were generally cushy and overly-welcoming. 'Much like its members,' thought Severus with a mental sneer, which faded upon reminding himself that he was now one of those annoying Hufflepuffs. 'What should I do now?'

The common room was just as he remembered, filled with a vast number of cushy couches next to nice tables, and the tour of the dormitories went more or less as expected. His bed was of relatively common appearance, if well made, and Severus was about to go lay down on it when he was called back by another of the Hufflepuff prefects--a short, red-haired boy who was so freckled that Severus was certain that he had to be a Weasley.

"Mr. Snape, we're heading back to the Common Room for the introductions. Come on, now."

At that, Severus raised an eyebrow, but did as he was told while wondering, 'Introductions? What introductions?' Upon entering the Common Room, Severus was bade to stand with the other first years, which he did, seeing no particular reason not to save for his dislike of being ordered around. Then the same male prefect smiled at all of them and spoke in a kind, friendly voice reminiscent of Arthur Weasley.

"Hello everyone, my name is Gilbert Weasley, your friendly seventh-year Hufflepuff prefect. I'm a member of the famous or (in some circles) infamous Weasley family. I like Quidditch and Herbology, and I have two older brothers, Arthur and Bilius Weasley. It's nice to meet you." Chuckling as the first-years (except for Severus) looked at him in awe, Gilbert gave them all a quick bow. "Now, we're all going to introduce ourselves just like I did so we can all get to know each other. If you can't say anything else, tell us your name, your interests and something about your family. Come on now, we're all going to be friends here in Hufflepuff, aren't we?"

As the first-years around him started speaking, Severus quickly ran through his options: he wasn't going to tell them the truth of course (he wasn't some stupid, heart-on-his-sleeves Gryffindor after all), so that left lying or simply saying nothing. Lying would be problematic if he were discovered, while saying nothing might be perceived as rude... On the other hand, maybe he could tell them a small part of the truth, and that would suffice in keeping them from getting nosy.

Nodding, Severus carefully thought over what he would say, so when it was finally his turn, he merely said calmly, "My name is Severus Snape, and I like Potions and Defense the Dark Arts." Not even bothering to force a smile, he said in a deadpan voice, "Nice to meet you."

* * *

As Lily lay in her dark four-poster bed later that night, her thoughts focused on the incredible day she had had so far; she was now at _Hogwarts_, and a Slytherin, a member of the house of success and victory. Better yet, she had met a couple of people that might become her friends...and seen Severus again.

'Severus...' Lily fingered the ribbon she had worn earlier that day with a bright smile. He was just like she had remembered, strange and secretive, but really quite nice to her. Just like her, he had been scared of his first day, but he had still taken the time to indulge her as she went on and on about her _Anazi _silk. 'He was just...so wonderful. I hope that he won't hate me, not after all the time it's been since we spoke...'

She had been afraid that she would never see him again after her father had told her about Mrs. Snape and Severus leaving Mr. Snape and going off across the country--Dad had been particularly perturbed that night, saying something to Mom about Mr. Snape already moving on into 'Joan Cartwright's bed'.

'I still don't know why he needed Ms. Cartwright's bed; wasn't his own big enough? Oh well, it doesn't matter; I've _found _him again, and he is just like I remembered!' Lily had to bite back a small squeal of excitement at this; awakening the other girls their first night as room-mates probably wasn't a good idea, not if she wanted to make friends with them...

There were three other girls in her year, Sophia Rosier, Odieux Haine and Beatrice Celosa. Although she hadn't hit it off with them like she had Mary, Lily hoped that perhaps the three of them would become her friends soon enough.

Sophia was a dark-haired waif of a girl, while Odieux was tall with brunette hair and perpetually-lidded eyes and Beatrice was a short, somewhat stocky blond. They all came from long lineages of pureblooded families, although Beatrice' father had married a Muggleborn--a rather embarrassing predicament from what Sophia had said--and as such was considered to be a half-blood.

She thought about what had happened at the table though, and bit her lip. While they had been very polite to her, she couldn't help but notice how she was an intruder in some ways, as it seemed that the other children mostly known one another since before they had started...leaving Lily alone. Still, she felt sure that she could make friends pretty quickly, assuming they didn't find out that she was a Muggleborn or anything. She had made it a point to be friendly with everyone after all, even the ones she disliked (like that weird Avery boy).

Already, her efforts had paid off dividends; one of the boys, a nice blond-haired boy, had winked at her. She didn't catch his name, but had been unable to keep from blushing as he gave her a bright grin and a jaunty wave.

As to Severus...

Lily wished that he had joined her in Slytherin, as it would have made her feel much better to have a friend there when she arrived. So far, it was pretty lonely, although she hoped it wouldn't stay that way for long. Maybe she'd make a bunch of friends...

...as long as they didn't discover her secret.

* * *

Severus' dreams had been somewhat altered since he had arrived in this altered world, no longer being solely nightmares of failure mixed with bittersweet dreams of what had been, instead including tortorous dreams of (as he put it) a strange world that could never be. Those dreams were far less frequent, but no less powerful than those of the night when Voldemort had revealed to him his plan to murder the Potters thanks to what _he _had told him.

This dream was no exception:

_"Hey, Sev! I was wondering if I could ask you something..." Lily fidgetted, glancing at a brunette girl from across the hall as she looked at Severus with a pleading look in her eyes._

_Severus gave her a wary look, biting his lip before nodding. "Yes? Might I ask what it is?"_

_"I'd like you to meet my new friend, Mary! She's really cool, and I think you'd like her! Alright, Sev?" _

_Severus' eyes turned to focus on the short brunette standing over by the Great Hall's entrance, her arms crossed as she frowned in his direction. To be quite frank, she didn't look interested in the slightest...but Lily had asked him to do this. _

_Several moments passed, Lily waiting apprehensively, then he sighed. "Hmm... Alright, I guess it can't hurt all that much."_

_Lily squealed, giving the pale boy a huge hug. "Thanks, Sev, I promise you that you won't regret it! Let me call her over... One moment." The young redhead waved exuberantly at the brunette from across the hall, before returning her attention to Severus. "See, here she comes now!"_

_Indeed, Mary was walking over, albeit with a clear lack of enthusiasm. Upon reaching them, the girl gave Severus a look of suspicious appraisal, before shrugging. "Hi, I'm Mary MacDonald. It's nice to meet you." She spoke in a tone which indicated that she felt the complete opposite. "I enjoy Defense Against the Dark Arts, Transfiguration and not dealing with complete prats. How do you do?"_

_Severus looked at her carefully, wondering what was the point of wasting his time with this chit of a girl, especially since she was a Muggleborn and thus persona non grata in the eyes of his friends. Deciding against bothering with her, he opened his mouth to give her a few choice remarks...only to see Lily's emerald-green eyes once again, all but begging him to do this for her. _

_Holding back a sigh, Severus spoke politely, "And I'm Severus Snape, pleased to meet you. I enjoy DADA as well as Potions, and I would very much like to be your friend." He immediately knew that this was the right choice to make, as Lily gave him a beaming look that made him feel on top of the world._

_"Really?" Mary seemed mollified, albeit still suspicious. Her tone brightened though as she spoke, "Well Snape, I must say that I'm glad to see a fellow DADA lover, although I feel that it's a shame that they don't teach us more...combat-orientated spells. You know, like shooting fire and covering people with boils and stuff; that sounds like it'd be a lot of fun."_

_"They won't teach us much of that, MacDonald." Severus scowled, still annoyed at how...boring DADA was under Dumbledore's headmastership. "That sort of stuff is mostly Dark Arts... I can teach you if you like though."_

_Lily let out a squawk of protest, but Mary's eyes widened with interest. "Really? Do tell me more...Severus was it?" She gave him a small smile, holding his hand as she spoke, "I'd very much like to hear it..."_

_A slight flush covered his face as he replied, "That'd be...alright, I guess."_

Severus snorted in disgust as he thought about the dream, his eyes staring up at the warmly-colored canopy overhead as he tried to ignore the pain the his dream had caused him.

In 'reality', his actions had been much the same until after she introduced herself, where he had shot her down with a minimum of muss and fuss, as he had had no desire to make a fool of himself for someone who wouldn't even want to be his friend in the first place. Still, Lily had been quite disappointed, although she had tried hard to hide it.

According to this dream though, he had clearly been making the right choice when he chose not to make friends with her. In contrast to what he had done, his 'other self' had just let himself get taken advantage of by a mere slip of a girl, trying to use him under the masquerade of 'friendship'. It would have led to nothing more than the pain of disappointment, and he had been better off not suffering from it. After all, just because it was Lily's friend that wanted to use him...that didn't mean that he should let them do so.

Still, If that had been all, it wouldn't have been so much...but Severus hated seeing that beautiful, tantalizing temptation of love and friendship again and again. It hurt _so_ much to imagine that he could have had Lily, even if in truth he knew in his heart of hearts that she would _never _have been satisfied with him. Perhaps he might have changed where he was sorted, but...

'No...do not be deceived,' Severus scolded himself, gritting his teeth as he lay amongst the black and yellow sheets and bedding, doing his best to ignore even the slightest twinge of false hope. 'That sort of self-delusion was what led to my greatest mistakes... I will not fall prey to them again, _never again_!'

He gave an empty, nearly-soulless smile as he mentally whispered, careful to not shout even inside the dubious safety of his own mind: "I will do what I can to keep her alive, enduring this thrice-cursed life once more until finally I can reach my rest, until finally I can sleep..."

"...forever."

* * *

"Pass me my textbook back, alright Evans?"

"Sure, here you go."

"Thanks."

Over her first month at Hogwarts, Lily ended up discovering that many of her hopes for friendship were to be shattered; her Slytherin housemates quickly got set into their own personal circles, save for one nice boy, while most of Hogwarts had a distinct dislike for Slytherins to begin with.

Luckily, Mary MacDonald didn't seem to share this prejudice, at least not in regards to her, although Lily got the distinct impression that she didn't care much for her roommates. Still, it didn't seem to reach the levels of certain of _her _housemates, so Lily was more than willing to accept her position on the matter. James Potter and Sirius Black on the other hand seemed to be a loss--she hadn't spoken to either of them since their talk on the train. She did hope that they would eventually change their minds, but for now at least they seemed to act as if she didn't exist.

As for the person she had hoped for the most, her supposed-prince, Severus...things had gotten rather complicated indeed. Her hopes for that friendship had also proven rather less than she had hoped for, given how her month had been.

Lily sighed as she watched him forlornly from across the Charms classroom; he hadn't looked at her once, not in four lessons of Charms nor three lessons of Transfiguration. Instead, he rapidly chose a different Hufflepuff partner for each class and retreated with them into a corner. As for speaking...Lily hadn't the courage to go up and talk to him, not after she had probably embarrassed him ever so greatly in their reunion, but she had also been disappointed that he hadn't done such either.

Severus sighed, giving his female partner a poke in the arm before jabbing his finger at something, probably another textbook. 'That would probably be of great help to me too,' thought Lily to herself with a sigh, even as she ineffectually attempted to cast that _Wingardium Leviosa _spell once again. 'This is just _great_."

"Cheer up, Evans. It's not like Charms is something stupid like Herbology, you know?" said the shaggy blond boy beside her, giving the redhead a small wink. "Bloody waste of time that is, if you ask me. Hell, if I was stupid enough to need to work on a Potion, I'd buy the blasted ingredients, you know?"

"It's not _that_," Lily whinged, even as her spell failed, _again_. Although copying Severus' technique as best as she could had proven to be a generally good idea so far this term, that didn't mean she could do it perfectly. "It's just...oh, nevermind!"

The boy's bright blue eyes looked her over in evaluation, before following her gaze. He snorted at the sight of Severus pantomiming something for the benefit of his seatmate. "_That's _what's bothering you? Geez, what a waste of time, Snape's a right wanker and-"

"-Don't use that word!"

"...a right jerk then. I heard that he's some Mudblood Vampire from the country, trying to suck all the magic out o' us, you know?" The boy shook his head, his skin shivering. "I'll bet he'll go afer Lucius Malfoy first, being a prefect an' a Malfoy to boot, you know?"

"Yeah...maybe," agreed Lily reluctantly, biting her lip as she watched the dark-haired boy. "But he does seem to know a lot..."

"Sorts like him do, trying to nose in on us." Mulciber crossed his arm, glaring at Severus as he spoke, "Probably wants to steal all of our best magic, he does, mark my words."

"How do you have Muggl-Mudblood Vampires anyway?" asked Lily curiously, her emerald eyes turning to look at the large boy beside her as Severus' partner turned away from him in an obvious huff. "Doesn't seem to make sense, if you ask me."

Mulciber frowned, seeming to think carefully, only to finally shrug his shoulders. "I dunno, but if anyone can do it, Snape can. Gives me the willies, he does."

Lily frowned, but turned to look at the Hufflepuff boy once again, even as he slumped back down in his seat. 'I dunno...he seems kind of...lonely...'

Still, she didn't voice the thought aloud, instead muttering, "At least I'd be better at Charms, Mulciber."

As she waved her wand again, causing a sound reminiscent of a bout of flatulance, Mulciber scrunched his nose in disgust, "You might have a point there, Evans. You might _just _have a point."

Holding her nose in one hand as she tried to fan the accompanying smell away with the other, Lily couldn't help but agree.

* * *

Shortly after class, still irked at the continual attempted-mothering (Really, what gave people the impression that he would actually _want _to talk to them?) and incompetence of his Charms partner, Severus strode off to lunch with a scowl.

It really was not pleasant trying to ignore Lily, not pleasant at all. Luckily though, he had gotten a lot of practice in the last couple years of his own schooling, so it was something he had some experience at. He knew most of her habits, even though some of them were a tad different from his recollection, so it made it quite simple to avoid her at meal-times or even in class.

He didn't understand why she had been so enthusiastic about seeing him again the night of the Sorting, but he knew it wouldn't have lasted, although her making friends with Arcturus Mulciber had been quite the surprise for him. Similarly, her sorting into Slytherin had shocked him greatly, and he wasn't sure what to make of her lack of skill in Charms either.

Still, it was for the best that he had nipped the whole thing in the bud, if one thought about it. There was only so much that things could change, after all. Besides, he neither would have deserved nor received anything in the long run by chasing his foolish dreams.

It still wasn't something he enjoyed though.

Severus sighed again, about to enter a rather unpopular secret passage that he knew would take him to the Great Hall when he heard raised voices coming from a little further down the corridor. His teacher instincts driving him to action before he could change his mind, Severus quickly swept over, lamenting the fact that his present robes just couldn't pull off a good billowing. Otherwise it would have seemed just like old times.

Turning the corner, Severus saw Sirius Black and that weird blond girl he had met on the train (now apparently in Ravenclaw) standing there, arguing. Or really, the girl standing there while Black had a wand pointed at her, grinning as she tried to talk her way out of the situation even as she kept one nervous eye on his wand.

"You know, Black, there's no reason that we have to resort to anything...violent. Just saying."

"And _I'm_ saying that Remus didn't appreciate it when you called him a poor, pathetic, penniless, poorhouse-bound pauper. Apologize, or I'll hex you, girl or no girl."

The girl frowned, pursing her lips. "Well, I'll apologize for 'pathetic', but the rest really are true, you know?" Her tone of voice suddenly turned mocking, much to Severus' approval. "_Ohhh_! I forgot, he must be the Prince of Wales in disguise! Clearly, I must go and apologize for my foolish error!" She then smirked. "Or not."

Black's eyes hardened with anger, and he jabbed his wand at her chest. "Either do it now, or after you're black-and-blue, got it!"

As he saw this, realizing that Black was harrassing her, Severus smiled cruelly. 'This could be...enjoyable... I wonder how Black will like being the most hated boy in Gryffindor before the Halloween Feast even rolls around...'

He opened his mouth, about to take fifty points from Gryffindor for Black's actions...when he realized that he was no longer a bloody _professor_. That made things a bit more complicated, as it wasn't like Severus particularly wanted to get in a whole mess of battles with the Marauders again, not if he couldn't win all the time.

However, that didn't mean that he was without_ other options_. A smirk on his face, pointed his wand at the boy and thought a quick, basic incantation for the Full-Body-Bind and fought the urge to laugh as Sirius collapsed to the ground, his body as stiff as a board... However, this task was made far easier by the fact that he also had to fight the urge to gasp at how much effort the spell took form him, even if it was non-verbally. Indeed, mere seconds later, he collapsed to the ground himself at the backlash.

"Bugger..." hissed Severus as he ducked back into the passageway beside him. He hadn't thought that even relatively simple spells cast non-verbally would still drain him so much.

Quickly, he tried to get away before someone could figure out who had hexed the Gryffindor boy.

However, he had already been spotted, by a pair of confused grey eyes...

**Author's Note: **There is a good reason for Lily's lack of skill in Charms, don't worry. Also, keep in mind that no-one except for Severus knows that she is a Muggleborn at this point, although she only suspects that he knows this.

As for future plot points...let's just say that when you mix two raging cases of low self-esteem (among a lot of other things)_, clearly_ you will end up with an easy road to happiness.

_This was Betaed by the Anachronistic Anglophile, may she never miss a point of grammar._


	11. Friendships

**Cursed to Relive**

**Chapter 11**

**Friendships**

_**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor do I own the Harry Potter Series.**_

There were many times that Severus rued the day that some higher power had chosen for him to relive his life, his suffering and his pain. He hated oh so much of it, from his endlessly-chattering dorm-mates (if he had to deal with one more 'What are you up to?'...) to the impossibly _mundane _classes (it had been easy enough when he was reallyeleven), it was aggravating in the extreme...

Then there was that continually-bothersome Gilbert fellow...

"Hey, Severus, care to join us in a game of Gobstones?" asked the freckled young man, sitting beside his typical gaggle of first and second years. If Severus didn't know better, he'd say that the grinning redhead was collecting them, since he always seemed to have a couple around him. "I think that Agatha must be cheating, she's winning so much."

"Am not!" piped up the skinny brunette, sitting up from where she had laid untidily on the fat armchair beneath her. "Besides, Stephen won two out of the last seven!"

"I'm just kidding, Agatha," replied Gilbert lightly, before turning to Severus. "So...you in?"

Severus looked at the _cozy _scene, unable to keep his lip from curling in distaste at the revolting display of _camaraderie_, but he nonetheless managed to say politely, giving a smooth bow, "Thank you for the offer, but I'll pass."

A snort came from one of the children. "That's hardly a surprise. Snape would sooner jump off a cliff rather than play a game with us, I'll bet. Come on, Gilbert; let's get back to the game." It was Stephen Tooby, one of Severus' most-preferred room-mates, for the simple fact that he seemed to quite dislike the ex-Slytherin.

He'd take dislike over the endless bothering of his other dorm-mates any day of the week...and twice on Sundays.

"That's not very nice, Stephen," said Gilbert, giving Stephen a look, before smiling back at Severus. "Come on, Severus, join us. You've probably already read_ Hogwart: a Histor_y a hundred times since you got to the castle. Take a break, play some Gobstones. You can get back to your book after curfew. Right now is the time to enjoy yourself, to make friends!"

Severus frowned at him in annoyance, then a thought struck him. Smirking, he said coolly, "You know, you might just have a point, Mr. Weasley. I likely do spend too much time sitting down reading my books. Perhaps I should make a change."

"That might be a good idea," said Gilbert, warmly patting the seat between him and Agatha. "Come on, have some fun for a change. You only live once, you know."

'If only,' thought Severus to himself, before saying, a mild edge to his voice, "No, not that. Sitting around playing Gobstones would be a childish way to spend an evening. Especially with...these sort." He looked at them all disdainfully, enjoying the glares of the other children, before he said in the same cool tones, "Instead, I believe I shall take a walk. Don't worry, Mr. Weasley, I will be back by curfew."

Gilbert's smile faded into a look of annoyance, and he shook his head. He stayed polite though as he replied, "Very well, Severus. Perhaps you will change your mind when you return."

"Perhaps, but likely not," replied Severus, putting _Hogwarts: a History _back into his book bag, then striding swiftly to the door. "Goodbye."

He shut the door behind him quickly, and then began his walk, a satisfied smirk upon his face. Without paying attention, he retraced a patrol route he had followed a thousand times as a professor when he had been trying to catch students past curfew. It had been carefully chosen over the years to go past all of the popular places for the dunderheaded, hormone-laden, teenage population of Hogwarts to make mischief.

Of course, he had always been careful to vary the exact route of his patrols every so often, lest he become too predictable.

With that in mind, Severus decided to head down to the kitchens for a small snack, as he had sometimes done on said patrols. It was particularly convenient now that he was a member of Hufflepuff house, as it was close by his dormitory.

In fact, come to think of it, it was also close to Lily's dorm...

He frowned, immediately cutting off that line of thought. Thinking of Lily was simply depressing, as it endlessly reminded him of what he would never have. Instead, he preferred to think of how well...relatively speaking, his life had been going of late.

Firstly, in spite of the preposterously annoying and mothering nature of Hufflepuff house, he had managed to finally get it to sink into their thick skulls that he preferred to be left alone. Save for Gilbert Weasley, who was both as easy-going and forgiving as his older brother would be in the future, most of them had started to avoid him.

That was a good thing. Now he could be alone again.

Secondly...well, his mother was keeping in touch with him. However, since they had left Tobias, she had been forced to find a way to support both of them, and now was working as a waitress in one of the smaller restaurants in Knockturn Alley. There was no overtime in the wizarding world, and pay was low, so to manage it, she needed to work nearly sixty hours a week. This didn't leave much time for anything else, so her letters to Severus were generally short and to the point.

He replied to each of them in kind. It wasn't out of dislike though-Severus merely disliked meaningless chitchat.

Also, he had managed to avoid any conflicts with the Marauders, even though they had already started their bullying careers-Sirius still hadn't figured out who had been responsible for the Full-Body Bind that had afflicted him a couple of weeks ago, and none of the rest had any particular interest in a random Hufflepuff boy.

As such, all in all, Severus was rather...content with his life. It was quiet, and he was almost always alone. It was the perfect life for him, really...and if he kept reminding himself of that fact then maybe it would be, no matter what might happen in regards to Lily.

He had made it almost to the portrait of the bowl of fruit which served as the entrance to the kitchen when he heard footsteps behind him.

Severus almost lazily let a hand drift down to his wand-pocket as he turned around. Perhaps it was the Marauders, Sirius having discovered who had been responsible for his humiliation. Regardless of who it was, he would be prepared.

However, it wasn't any of the Marauders, nor even Lily. It was the odd blonde girl he had met on the train. Walking up to him, she stood, nervously biting her lip as her eyes shifted between him and her feet. "Hello...Severus, was it?"

Severus didn't remove his hand from his wand. He couldn't assume anything, as he didn't know anything about her, save for her being a Ravenclaw, and her being strange. He didn't even know her name. All the same, he was careful not to let his suspicion show as he said, "Yes, and you are?"

For some reason, she looked somewhat crestfallen. "I guess you weren't listening on the train, were you?" She looked at him, then glanced away again as she said, "My name is Evelyn Matthews...and I'd like to thank you for what you did for me."

Severus raised an eyebrow. "You would like to...thank me?"

She nodded quickly.

Severus stood there silently for several seconds, then said, "You're welcome."

"Would you like to be friends?" blurted out the girl. "I mean..." she trailed off.

Severus stared at her, rather nonplussed, then his eyebrows narrowed. Why wouldn't everybody just leave him alone? "I am not interested. Goodbye."

Evelyn looked crushed. "But...why not?"

Severus' voice was cold, even cruel as he replied, "The real question is: why would I want to be friends with a girl like you. I'm not interested in your friendship."

Evelyn stared at him, a strange, almost calculating look upon her face.

Nearly a minute passed in silence, then Severus said, his voice quiet, "If you'll excuse me, Miss Matthews-"

"The basis for your conclusion is faulty, and lacks evidence," said Evelyn suddenly. "Severus, you've decided you lack interest in a friendship with me, but you don't even know me. You didn't even know my name before we spoke today. How would you know you wouldn't want to be friends with me?"

Severus' eyebrows shot up to his hair as he looked at her, suppressing any feeling of curiosity. "I was not aware that I needed to prove my reason for a lack of interest, Matthews."

She opened her mouth...and closed it again, looking at him oddly. Finally, she said, "Then why did you help me, Severus? From what little observation I've done, you aren't someone who would stick up on someone else's behalf simply because it was the right thing to do."

"I detest Black," replied Severus simply. "It had nothing to do with you."

Evelyn nodded slowly. "Oh...I see. I thought...I thought that maybe...maybe you wanted to help me. I hoped that maybe...I haven't made many friends yet...or any."

Severus didn't say anything.

Evelyn let out a deep sigh, looking down at her feet. "Alright, I guess I'll see you around then, Mr. Snape."

He nodded even though he knew she couldn't see it, a strange lump in his throat. "Yes, I suppose you will."

"Very well then, I guess that's everything." She turned to look at him, smiling widely.

Severus flinched. That smile...it was forced and utterly empty, without the slightest trace of happiness, nor hope for said happiness.

She then said, still smiling that awful smile, "Goodbye."

And with that, she turned around and began to walk away.

'It would be foolish,' he reminded himself, turning away. 'All that would happen is each of us getting hurt. There would be no point...'

He imagined a smile much like her own, from many years ago.

"I will be studying tonight," he suddenly announced. He saw her stop, utterly still. "In the library, I will be studying for my transfiguration paper."

There was a brief silence, then...

"I'll be studying there too. An hour before curfew."

"As will I," said Severus, before walking away, his snack forgotten.

This was clearly a bad idea, and even if it wasn't...well, given his luck it would blow up in his face anyway.

Failure was his past, present and future.

If it were up to him, he would never have friends again. However, at the sight of those lifeless eyes...he couldn't find it within him to be that heartless.

For most of the first years, the lunch between classes was a time to relax, to hang out with friend and swap stories of the day, sharing in each others' triumphs and commiserating with their failures. It was something they looked forward to, as for them, Hogwarts meant hard work that they really didn't want to do, attending because they had to in order to be competent witches and wizards.

This was especially true for Purebloods and Half-bloods, as for them it was no different than it would have been in a Muggle high school, as there was a similar lack of appreciation for the importance of the subjects studied, having a mundaneity to those born in the wizarding world that no mere Mudblood would ever understand.

For Lily Evans, it was quite different indeed. She was born a Mudblood, had few friends, and had was used to spending most of her free time by herself after having spent much of her childhood cloistered in her own home. As such, she usually buried herself in her school books, and once she had finished those, whatever library books she could get her hands on.

She particularly liked reading about Transfiguration. The very idea of the subject excited her in fact, the idea of using magic to change things. She could turn an eagle to a rat, a solid boulder into mud. She even sometimes fancied that she could change herself if she mastered it, making her into someone that wasn't quite so unlikeable.

She was also fond of Defense Against the Dark Arts and Potions, for similar reasons in the case of Potions. With a good potion, one could change a person, make them happy, lucky, or even loving and kind. Maybe even likeable.

With Defense Against the Dark Arts, she loved reading about all the dangerous and strange creatures, each deadly in their own way. Right then in fact, she was so engrossed in the library book on Runespoors that she didn't notice a figure approaching her from behind, at least until a rather brusque voice spoke, "So...what are you doing?"

Lily found herself looking up into the brown eyes of Mary MacDonald, her face bearing a guarded expression as she watched Lily strangely. "Um...I'm studying. Would you like to join me?" asked the redhead with a smile.

Mary nodded, walking around Lily's table to sit across from her. Pulling out her Charms textbook, the girl began to read.

Lily did the same as Mary, returning to her book, which was now at a section about methods to deal with the sudden appearance of a Runespoor. Some of the spells recommended were quite fascinating...

"Hmm, have any tips on how to perform a hovering charm, Lily?" asked Mary, writing down in a sheet of parchment. "I've got the incantation down...more or less and can cast it well enough. I'm just having an issue or two with describing the wand movements. How do you do it?"

"I'm pretty sure it says in the book, Mary," replied Lily with a frown. "You can just write what it says and change it a little I think."

"I know that," groused Mary. "I just wanted to do the work a little more...honestly, I suppose. I thought I'd ask you is all. "

'If you just wanted to talk to me in order to steal notes off of me, the joke's on you.' thought Lily waspishly. 'Maybe you should have checked that I'm actually good in the subject.'

She said none of this aloud though, instead returning to her reading with a single sigh.

Several minutes passed in silence, and then Mary closed her book and said in a cool voice, "So, it appears my friends think that you've been 'Slytherined'. Should I be worried?"

"Huh? Slytherined? What do you mean?" asked Lily, setting her own book down to stare at her companion. Mary had a very sour look on her face.

"Yes, it's weird but...they keep telling me…never mind." Mary turned away, glaring down at her book.

Lily continued to stare at her, trying to figure out what she meant. "What do they keep saying?"

"My housemates keep telling me that you won't want to be friends with me because I'm a Muggleborn, although that's stupid because you're-"

"_Shhh_!" said Lily, desperately glancing around the library to see if anyone had noticed. It seemed not though, much to her good fortune.

Mary gave her a strange look. "Lily, it's no big deal. Blood status is something that only matters to people like Mulciber. Unless...do those friends of you have you thinking that I'm bad news because of that? Because if so," went on Mary. "I swear, I'm going to thump you on the head so hard..."

"I don't think you're bad news..." asked Lily in a small voice. "...although I still don't know why you would want to be friends with me."

"Oh..." said Mary, seeming to consider. She looked at Lily as if she had grown a second head. "I want to be your friend because I like you."

"I see...and I like you too." replied Lily, her face flushing in embarrassment before changing the subject. "How are things going in Gryffindor?"

Mary sounded rather sheepish for a change as she said, "Not too well, actually. James seems to be getting a bigger head by the day. Sirius is angry about some fellow who humiliated him...or he thinks it's a fellow-I personally think it was a girl. Meanwhile, there's this girl I share a room with, Sabrina Percival, and she's absolutely mad about James Potter...and thinks she should drive me mad about him as well!"

"I could always trade housemates with you," said the young Slytherin with a laugh.

Mary snorted. "You have no idea how much I'd like to take you up on that offer."

"Maybe after the holidays..."

The two girls both smiled, and then Lily heard footsteps behind her. Turning, she saw Severus Snape walking past her table, bookbag in hand.

Her prince was in the library!

Lily found her face flushing, and returned her eyes to her book. She knew he spent a lot of time reading like she did, but he rarely stayed in the library longer than the time it took to check out a new set of books. What was he doing here?

Lily saw him glance over in her direction, and felt herself immediately freeze, the proverbial dear in the headlights. Their eyes met for a moment, then he turned to his table and sat down, pulling out his textbook.

"So that's Snape, eh?" asked Mary thoughtfully, following her gaze. "From what you hear the Gryffindor boys of our year saying, he's probably the weirdest Hufflepuff to ever exist."

"What do you mean?" asked Lily, curious.

Mary shrugged. "I don't know. I mean, he's a bit odd looking, especially with those teeth, but I wouldn't know much else. I hear he keeps to himself."

As Mary finished, Lily heard footsteps again, and turned to see a blonde girl walking past her, wearing Ravenclaw colors. The girl strode over to Severus' table and sat down beside him, pulling out her textbook much like he had.

"We should get back to our own studying," said Mary, a frown upon her face as she turned back toward Lily. "Is there anything you need help with? I'm no good at Potions, but I'm really good at Transfiguration."

Lily smiled wanly. "I'm good at that as well. It's Charms I could use help with." She glanced at Severus. He was very good in Charms.

Mary shrugged. "Well, I'm not too bad at that. What are you having trouble with?"

Lily laughed. "Everything."

"Well, let's start with the basics. You see..."

And so, the two girls worked together until curfew, each doing their best to help the other with their weaker subjects. All the same, Lily couldn't help from being distracted.

Glancing into Severus' eyes every few minutes could do that to her.

...X...

Over the next several weeks, Lily was pleased to see that her Charms marks were improving. They were still mediocre, but no longer were they laughable.

Plus, Mary and her had become fast friends, and they saw each other two to three times a week outside of classes. Usually, it was in the library for studying, but sometimes it was simply having a snack outside by the lake-although as the days grew colder, that happened rarer and rarer.

They were even talking about Lily spending the holidays at Mary's home. It was far more appealing to the young Slytherin than the idea of going home, where her parents would smile while tiptoeing around her like she was a rabid dog. Meanwhile, Petunia would pretend she didn't exist...although Lily noticed that she made dead certain she was never alone in the same room with her sister.

Staying at Hogwarts for the holidays wasn't much more appealing. Only a few Slytherin students planned to stay here rather than spending time with their loved ones or going to see friends-it seemed like all of them planned to visit each other, or were inviting one another over.

It didn't escape Lily's notice that none of them were inviting her.

It seemed that even at Hogwarts she was a freak.

It wasn't until a cold Thursday in early December though that she started to find out why.

"Alright, I'll see you in class tomorrow then?" asked Mary as the two of them were walking into the Great Hall for lunch.

Lily nodded, a small smile upon her face. "Yeah. Oh, did you get a letter from your parents yet? Did they say that I can come over?"

"Uh huh. They said..." Mary paused, a small smirk. "Yes!"

"Really! They did!"

Mary nodded. "Yes they did. The week before Christmas, we're heading up to our home. We'll have a sleepover, eat ice cream, and watch movies together. I don't know about you, but I can't wait!"

"Me either. In fact..." Lily trailed off, noticing how some of her housemates were watching her, whispering. "Uh, I didn't realize it until just now, but that Yorkshire Pudding smells really, really good. Mind if I...?"

Mary shrugged, glancing at her table. "Alright, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Of course," replied Lily, before walking over to the table and sitting down by Mulciber, who was chatting with some of the boys in his dorm. "Hey Arcturus, how is your Charms essay coming?"

He said nothing, giving her a look.

Lily looked around, noticing the continual furtive glances in her direction. Swallowing, she asked, "Arcturus, what's going on?"

He looked at her again, then said in a tight voice, "Let's talk after lunch. I'll explain then."

Lily nodded, then sat down to eat, but found that her appetite had almost vanished. What was going on? She had a bad feeling about this...

After half an hour, during which Lily managed to force down a sandwich and drank some pumpkin juice, Mulciber had finished. Turning to her, he said in a low voice, "Let's talk privately, alright?"

With that, he led her to an out of the way corridor on the third floor. It was old and dusty, and looked as if nobody had been there in years.

Once they got there, Mulciber turned around and sighed, leaning against a slowly crumbling statue. "Lily, you really need to be more careful about the company you keep. You don't seem to realize how it reflects on you, and those around you."

"Huh?" Lily blinked, nonplussed.

"MacDonald, your 'friend'." said Mulciber in a patient voice. "You know what she is, right?"

"Ohhh," said Lily, understanding. "You mean...because she's a Muggleborn?"

Mulciber chuckled. "There's no need to be polite when it's just the two of us. A Mudblood's a Mudblood, no matter how you dress it up." He then paused, his handsome young face growing graver. "And yes, it's because she's a Mudblood...mostly anyway."

"Mostly?"

He frowned. "You've met Rosier, right? Evan Rosier."

Lily pursed her lips, trying to think. She vaguely recalled a wiry boy. "Yeah...I think, a year past us, right?"

"Yeah, that's the boy," said her companion grimly. "Well, last night, he got an owl from his mother. It seems that his favorite cousin got fired from her job at Miss Malkin's, and a week after her fiancé left her."

"Oh no... That's awful," said Lily, her heart going out to the poor girl.

Mulciber looked Lily in the eye, saying darkly. "And what makes matters worse is that she was replaced by one of those Mudbloods. Bad enough everything else happened to her, but to lose it to some scummy Mudblood like that? It's disgusting, that's what it is. They're always taking stuff from us, that's what my dad says. It's not enough to be allowed to live and learn here, they have to steal our futures, are homes!" By the end of his diatribe, he was all but shouting, breathing rapidly.

Lily took a step back, frightened. "And Mary? How come he's mad at her?"

Mulciber let out an exasperated sigh. "It's not Mary, it's what she represents! By parading around with her like that, it's like you're saying that you're with her side, rather than our side. And it's just awful on Evan right now."

"I see..." Lily gulped, hoping desperately that this wasn't going where she thought it was. She liked Mary! She didn't want to stop being friends with her! "Do you want me to stop talking to her? Is that what you're saying?"

"It would be best, Lily," said Mulciber with a cool frown. "You don't want to be seen as a Blood Traitor, you know."

"I...I don't know..."

"However, you don't have to, not completely anyway." he said carefully. "You just have to be a bit more discreet about it, you know? Not flaunting it. Just...don't draw attention to it, alright?"

Lily nodded slowly. "I understand...I think."

Mulciber patted her on the shoulder, slowly smiling. "Good, I'm glad we had this talk. Now listen, I'm going to be absent the next Charms class. There's something I need to take care of. Would you mind covering for me?"

"Alright..."

He grinned. "Thanks Lily, you're an awesome friend!"

Lily nodded as she watched him go. Even as he did so, she felt a disgusting feeling slip down the back of her throat, into her stomach, like she had eaten something rotten.

She tried to convince herself otherwise. 'It's not like I'm not going to stop being friends with Mary. I'll just have to be more subtle about it. That's all.'

However, the rotten feeling wouldn't go away,

'It will all work out in the end, right?'

She had the feeling the rotten feeling was herself...

...X...

It had taken close to three months, but Severus had finally managed to get all of his fellow Hufflepuffs to stop trying to partner with him in class.

Another man might have celebrated. Severus merely allowed his lips to quirk into a satisfied smirk.

Now he no longer had to deal with bothersome classmates who wanted his help. Nor their inane attempts to make friends with him, ask him about his day, gossip with him, or any of the other things that bothered him so. Instead, he had peace and quiet, just like always.

That sounded a bit depressing, even in his own mind. All the same, he just wanted to be left alone.

Taking his seat in the back, he glanced at the topic for today: Another basic Charm he had been able to do with ease at this point in his first life. By now, it presented barely any difficulty at all, the only challenge coming from getting the muscle memory back for the spell.

Still, it would at least help with the boredom. Besides, it was definitely better to have a small amount of difficulty with the spell, just for the sake of appearances. That way, he would be mostly ignored by both other students and professors. Better for his cover.

He was just starting to read a bit into his textbook, to pass the time while the professor went over the basics, when Flitwick said aloud, "Miss Evans, have you see Mr. Mulciber? He's your partner for this class, I believe."

Severus glanced over at Lily, who seemed embarrassed to be in the spotlight. "Uh, yes. About that...he was throwing up all this morning. I don't think he'll be making it today."

'What a lazy leech...' Severus shook his head. In the short time he and Mulciber had been partners for Potions in sixth year, Mulciber had skipped out of at least one class in four. He had always had Severus make excuses for him, until he had gotten too fed up with it. 'I wonder how long it will be until Lily cottons on.'

Professor Flitwick frowned, tapping his fingers on top of the table. "Alright, but I think it would be best for you to be partnered with someone today, all the same."

As Severus observed, Lily looked over at two Slytherin girls who had been watching what was happening, likely her roommates. However, they looked away. She sighed. "I'll be fine, professor."

Flitwick followed her gaze, then sighed. "Hmm, all the same..." He looked around the room, his eyes falling on Severus. "Mr. Snape, it seems that you are without a partner as well. Would you mind helping Miss Evans?"

Lily sunk down a bit in her chair, mumbling something Severus was too far away to hear as a red flush creeped across her face.

Severus frowned. He'd prefer to avoid Lily if at all possible-the idea of getting too close to her was far too painful for his inclinations. However, he decided that one class wouldn't be too much. Besides, he didn't want to embarrass her, so... "I would not mind, professor."

Flitwick smiled, but Severus' eyes were fastened upon Lily. She seemed shocked, but smiled in the exact same way he had remembered her. Before Flitwick could say anything, she had already picked up her things and was moving over to where Severus was, sitting down beside him.

Quietly, he heard her say, "Thank you, Severus."

'Always.'

**Author's Note: **Hey everyone, I know it's been nearly a year now since I've posted anything, but you know how sometimes a good review inspires you? Well, I just got a couple a little while ago, and I just couldn't help myself. I had to write some more. Besides, it made a nice distraction from the book I'm still working on. Don't expect me to write too much more though...

...although if I were to get a bunch of lovely, detailed constructive reviews on my fics, that might inspire me. Hint. Hint.

Not so bright side: I am having a bit of difficulty keeping my writing as angsty as I did back then. Then again, I'm pretty happy now, so, meh.

However, I will definitely need a Beta. My previous Beta is no longer able to assist me, so I need to find a new one. Until then, this chapter goes unbetaed.


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